


Business and Pleasure

by zebaoth



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: F/F, Female Protagonist, M/M, Multi, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Secret Relationship, Slow Build, just trust me ok, lavender marriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2018-09-25 06:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 25,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9807068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebaoth/pseuds/zebaoth
Summary: Amid the pressures of maintaining the obligation and propriety of a royal heir, Leo asks of Charlotte to extend her professional curtesy by proposing a mutually beneficial business transaction.





	1. Chapter 1

“You seem happy,” said Benny. “Happy for real, I mean.”

“I’m about to seal the deal, Benny,” said Charlotte, fixing her makeup in her compact. “I can taste it.”

“You meeting with Lord Leo again tonight?” Benny said.

“We’ve been practically joined at the hip lately,” she said. “People are already starting to talk.” Charlotte snapped her compact shut with a wicked grin. “And tonight, he invited me to his private quarters.”

“Congratulations.”

“Too early for that,” she chided. “I’m not one for counting chickens. And if all goes according to plan tonight, I’ll never have to. Rich people don’t have to do _math.”_

“That’s not true,” said Benny. “I bet Lord Leo does math all the time. He seems like the type who’d enjoy it.”

“Benny sweetheart, it was a _joke.”_

“Oh,” said Benny. “I guess I couldn’t tell because it wasn’t very funny.”

Charlotte scowled, but there was a playful light in her eyes. “Watch your step, _friend,”_ she said, tucking her compact between her cleavage. “We’ll see who’s not funny when I’m laughing all the way to bank.” Without another word, she blew a kiss over the threshold and was on her way.

“Good luck, Charlotte,” Benny called after her.

\---

Charlotte knocked a sprightly rhythm on Lord Leo’s chamber door.

“Enter,” bid an even voice from within.

Charlotte put on her most winning smile as she swung open the heavy oak door as if it was a plank of plywood, but despite herself, her face fell perceptively when she beheld the room.

The prince was seated behind a large desk of glossy ebony, exuding an air of distant professional courtesy. Leaning against the wall at his right hand stood that retainer of his with the nasty mouth. Niles, she thought his name was. Charlotte had never seen the man look so uneasy. He turned his head to avoid her gaze and fiddled absently with a loose thread on his sleeve with uncharacteristic restlessness.

In any case, Charlotte did her best to contain her disappointment. She didn’t quite know what was going on, but whatever it was, she had clearly misunderstood Lord Leo’s intentions.

“You summoned me, milord?” she said, letting the door fall closed behind her with a heavy rush of air.

“Yes, thank you. Please have a seat,” he said, indicating a chair facing the desk on the rug in front of him.

She did as she was told, and Niles silently made a move to the door, locking it twice from a heavy ring of keys and barring up the chain.

Instinctively, Charlotte began calculating the respective strength of herself and the two men, but shook the thought from her head. It was preposterous, she knew. She had nothing to fear from Lord Leo. Still, she knew more than most, you never really knew with men.

They were trouble.

“So…” she began, shifting against the velvet of the chair as her eyes followed Niles back to his place against the wall beside his liege, “I trust you have been well, milord?”

“Yes, quite.” He cleared his throat. “I apologize for the…” He gestured vaguely at nothing in particular. “Cloak and dagger,” he finished. “I don’t mean to frighten you, but we must take these precautions, you understand. And speaking of, I’m sure you are dying of curiosity as to why I’ve organized this little… social gathering.” He was twiddling his thumbs on the surface of the desk.

He seemed to be choosing his words with particular care, and his expression was unreadable. Charlotte demurely placed her hands one over the other in her lap, but with her thumb hidden beneath her palm she silently cracked the knuckles of her right pinky finger. “I’m sure you have a very good reason, milord,” she said.

“Right,” he said. He slid an important looking bit of parchment over the desk towards her. “Now before we begin, could you please review this document?”

She scanned it with puzzled eyes. “This… is this…”

“A nondisclosure agreement,” he said. “Now the choice is yours, Charlotte. If you so choose, you can leave my office right now, without signing any contracts, or learning any secrets, and we can go about our business just as we did before. I assure you, you will not be disciplined should you choose to decline.”

Charlotte felt alarm creep slowly back into her blood. “With all due respect,” she said, her voice even as the beaten earth, “I don’t think I understand.”

“With all due respect,” said Niles, “you’re not really meant to.”

Charlotte started. It was the first time the man had said a word. She waited for Lord Leo to chastise him for speaking out of turn but no such rebuke was spoken. No wonder Niles was so free with his tongue, she thought. His liege was woefully lax in terms of discipline, to allow him to behave as if they were equals. 

But Charlotte never betrayed the bite of her thoughts. Behind closed lips her teeth sunk into her tongue. She wore her mask like skin.

“Forgive me milord,” she said, “but it presents a bit of a quandary. Am I not to know what it is I must agree to, until after I’ve already agreed?”

“Indeed not,” he said. “Please understand, the only word you are bound to will be secrecy. Yet, I must add, whatever should you choose beyond that, there are certain potentialities wherein the rewards will be…” His gaze faded into the distance, as if distracted. He rapped his knuckles against the wood of his desk absently as he trailed off. Charlotte resisted the urge to spare a darting glance at the man in the corner, if only to gauge his reaction. “Significant,” Lord Leo finished finally, whatever thought having diverted him banished from his eyes. “Yes, I suppose they will be significant.” 

_Jackpot._

“In that case, I would do whatever you asked of me, milord,” she said, perhaps a little too eagerly. Her words rang sour and false in her ears. She cracked the knuckle of her ring finger with her thumb and steeled her nerves.

Charlotte detected a note of bitterness in Lord Leo’s smile. “There’s no need for that,” he said. “After all, I’m pledging you my honesty as well.”

Charlotte grinned sheepishly. “That’s fair,” she said. “May I borrow a pen?”

She signed the contract with a flourish and handed it over to the prince. It was Niles, however, who snatched it from her hands.

“Aw, would you look at that,” he said, leaning over the desk. “You make your Os into little hearts. Positively _darling.”_

Charlotte ignored him. “So milord,” she said. “Am I to know why I was summoned?”

Niles handed the contract to Lord Leo as he reviewed it with his far away eyes. “Of course,” he said. He set the document down on the desk and took a deep breath.

“Charlotte,” he said. “I’ve summoned you here today to ask you to be my wife.”


	2. Chapter 2

It began, simply enough, as so many things do: with a lie.

Lying was something that Charlotte had always excelled at. It was a skill like any other, refined with study and practice, same as swinging an axe.

Sometimes, a lie could even be just as deadly.

It was a chilly Monday morning, 3 months before the fateful night when Lord Leo would propose, and Charlotte’s day was off to a rather poor start. Hands on hips, she scowled up the swollen trunk of a great oak tree, glaring at the gnarled branches and tapping her foot in agitation, clouds of fine red dust rising from the dirt of the road.

She had awoken early to check the post.

If only the letter had not had quite so many pages, or if only the wind had not been quite so fierce, or if only she had not been so distracted the amusing story in the letter, perhaps one of the pages wouldn’t have gotten away from her, and gotten caught in the branches of the tree.

Charlotte looked forlornly up at the lost page of her father’s letter tangled in the branches. It was just out of her reach. She had tried to dislodge it with a stick, but couldn’t find one long enough. She considered trying to climb the tree, but none of the branches were low enough. A few attempts at trying to shimmy up the trunk landed her in the dirt. She never did have much grace.

She was nearly about to give up hope when she spotted a wagon with a busted wheel in a ditch at the side of the road. Charlotte grinned. It would do perfectly. After clearing away the brambles, she managed to drag it to the foot of the tree. Using it as a stepstool, she was just able to reach the wayward letter, dislodging it with the longest stick she could find.

She snatched it down with a delighted squeal of triumph.

“Charlotte?” came a voice from the road.

She whipped around, quickly hiding the pages of the letter behind her back. “Lord Leo!” she said. “What a pleasant surprise. What are you doing up so early?”

“I confess I didn’t sleep much last night,” he said. “I thought a walk would clear my head. But Charlotte, tell me, how did you move that wagon all by yourself?”

Realizing she was still standing on the back of the cart, she climbed back down to the road, dusting herself off.

“It was like that when I got here,” she said.

“That’s strange,” said Lord Leo. “It was still firmly planted in that ditch yesterday evening. It has been for weeks, to my memory. And yet you can clearly see from the fresh gouges in the soil, it was moved just this morning.”

“I suppose,” said Charlotte. “Whoever did it must have left before I got here.” 

“Indeed,” said Lord Leo. “And as luck would have it, they perfectly positioned it so that you would be able to fetch that letter of yours that got caught in the tree.”

Behind her back, Charlotte silently cracked the knuckles of her pinky finger with her thumb. “Yes,” she said. “Very lucky indeed.”

“I don’t know which is more impressive,” said Lord Leo. “The fantastic feat of strength, or the fantastic feat of foresight.”

“I should say so as well, milord,” she said.

Lord Leo stared up at the spot on the great tree where the letter had gotten tangled in the branches. They stood without speaking for a moment, the only sound the howling of the wind. Charlotte could have sworn that he was smiling at something off in the distance, lost in thought, before he regained his composure.

“By your leave then,” he said. “I have business to attend to.”

As Lord Leo headed back to the castle, Charlotte clutched the pages of the letter tightly against the wind, cursing her luck.

But that would not be the end of it. A few days later, Lord Leo approached her.

Charlotte put on that most practiced winning smile she always wore.

“Lord Leo,” she said. “How nice to see you.”

“So I would imagine,” he said. “How are things.” It was not a question.

“Splendid,” she said. “And for you?”

“Right,” he said. “Now I’ll be honest Charlotte. I’ve made a few inquiries about you. You seem an interesting woman to me.”

Charlotte’s heart raced, but she kept her cool. “Why I’m flattered,” she said. “In what way?”

Lord Leo did not answer the question. “Tell me, Charlotte. What do you look for in a man?”

Could it really be happening? And a prince! If all went well, she might be set for life.

“I suppose, I like men who are handsome, and intelligent, and kind.”

_Kind? ___she thought to herself. That last one might have been a blunder. Lord Leo was not known for being particularly kind, one way or another. But she didn’t know much about him beyond his reputation as a callous bookish recluse, so compliments would be hard to come by.

“And wealthy?” he said.

Charlotte bit her tongue behind her smile. Perhaps this conversation wasn’t at all what she’d hoped.

“Well, milord,” she said, “I suppose I never gave that much thought. Such things are not important to me.”

“I find that hard to believe,” said Lord Leo.

Charlotte felt an icy dread pooling in the pit of her stomach.

“After all,” continued Lord Leo, “it’s no secret that great wealth makes one’s life significantly easier. There’s really no shame in wishing for wealth, in my opinion. Especially considering my position, it would be unfair of me to judge.”

“That’s very gracious of you, milord,” said Charlotte, the ice dissipating, but leaving behind its unease. Oh, he was a wily one indeed. What was his game?

“As I see it, it’s not a fault of character to desire stability and comfort. It’s a different thing than greed.”

“I would expect no less wisdom from the famous scholarly prince of Nohr,” said Charlotte. “You certainly live up to your reputation.”

“Thank you,” said Lord Leo. “Now, as much as I’d love to stay and chat, I’m afraid I have some rather pressing business to attend this evening.”

Charlotte did her best to seem as if she was poorly concealing her disappointment. “I understand,” she said. “A prince’s duties come first, after all.”

“I was hoping then perhaps we could continue this conversation over tea? Say, Friday afternoon.”

Charlotte brightened. “That would be heavenly, milord.”

\---

When Friday finally came, Charlotte was practically glowing. She would be meeting with the prince in less than an hour.

“This is it,” she said. “This is the big time.”

“Are you sure it’s really a date?” said Benny.

“Of _course_ it’s a date, dummy,” said Charlotte, examining her smile in the reflection on her axe. “What kind of man asks a woman to tea without expecting something in return? You know how the world works.” She gestured to her chest. “Tit for tat, and all that.”

“I don’t think that’s what that means.”

“It’s a _joke, _Benny dear.”__

“I don’t know,” said Benny, not taking the bait. “I have a funny feeling. From what you said, it seems suspicious, is all. He’s hiding something.”

“So what if he is?” said Charlotte, picking a piece of lettuce out from between her teeth with an impeccably manicured nail. “We all have secrets. Even you do, I bet.”

Benny sighed. “Good luck, then,” he said. “I hope you don’t need it.”

\---

Everything went splendidly. The prince made jilted small talk in his awkward unpracticed way, and Charlotte carried him along through the conversation with the social grace of a court lady, never letting on for a moment that he was anything less than the most fascinating man in the world.

For what seemed like ages, she listened to him drone on about his studies with interest that was almost real.

“And of course, that remained the dominant school of thought, until as recently as last century, when it was discovered that…” He trailed off in the middle of his explanation, his brow suddenly wrinkled as he looked off into the distance. “No,” he said. “No, that’s not right.”

“Beg pardon, milord?”

“I’ve talked too much about myself,” he said. “What about you, Charlotte? Tell me about yourself.”

“Myself?” said Charlotte, clenching her fists beneath the table. “Oh, I’m not nearly as fascinating as you. No need to mind me, I’m sure I’d just bore you to tears.”

“No, no,” said Lord Leo. “I want to hear about you. Where did you grow up? What was your family like?”

“Well,” she said. “I grew up by the sea. I was an only child. My father was a fisherman, and my mother was a washerwoman.” She paused.

“Go on,” he said. “What was it like?”

Her clenched fists slackened beneath the table. “My parents are lovely people, milord. They’re so kind and generous. We still exchange correspondence, whenever we can. Even though nothing much changes, it’s still nice to know that they’re all right without me. The next time I have leave, I was planning to go visit them.”

“Hmm,” said Lord Leo. He was staring off in the distance again, lost in thought. Charlotte hid her distaste. She did not take kindly to being ignored. Thankfully, he swiftly concluded his pause and turned back to face her. “Charlotte,” he said, “do you ever think about starting your own family? Having your own children?”

My, he was forward. “I’ve always wanted children of my own,” she said. This was the truth. “Unless, of course, my husband didn’t want any. I would be happy to leave the decision up to him, naturally.” This was a lie.

Lord Leo steepled his fingers. “You are capable of bearing children, I take it?”

Charlotte blanched.

“Forgive me,” said Lord Leo quickly. “Was that too personal?”

“Not at all,” said Charlotte. “Yes, to my knowledge I am. Quite fertile.” She cleared her throat.

It wasn’t often she broke her composure when she was in the zone, but Lord Leo was living up to his reputation as an eccentric. His courtship was so clinical. He didn’t seem to be one for romance. Still, perhaps it was better this way, thought Charlotte. It was best to be up front about one’s intentions.

All the same, Benny’s warning rang in her ear. Hiding something… he did seem much more aloof than usual. Could that just be nerves? He didn’t seem very experienced with women, for one thing. Charlotte could smell a virgin from a mile away. Perhaps he even thought he was being coy, as if he could be any more obvious about what it was he was after. A genuine smile shown through Charlotte’s mask, if only for a moment or two. It was almost endearing.

And so it went on, week after week. The two of them would meet, chat a bit, and Charlotte would suffer Lord Leo’s tactless probing questions without rancor. Yet she couldn’t help but wonder why, that in all that time, he never touched her. He had never so much as kissed her on the cheek, or even held her hand. Lord Leo seemed to be keeping a professional distance between the two of them. For all his clumsy indelicacy, he was proving to be very cautious. It was an admirable trait, she supposed, but she couldn’t help but be impatient. She still had no way of really laying claim to him.

Then, the day came when a letter on suitably expensive parchment was slipped under her door.

_Meet me in my quarters this evening at 10 PM,_ it said. _Come alone._ It was not signed. 

Yet she knew it could only be from one man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have enough outlined that i think i can manage weekly updates for a month or two... stay tuned, starshine


	3. Chapter 3

“Charlotte,” said Lord Leo. “I’ve summoned you here today to ask you to be my wife.”

Charlotte’s heart thrummed with a serge of quiet adrenaline. “I accept,” she said, without hesitation.

“Not so fast,” said Lord Leo. “I need to first explain the… shall we say, peculiar circumstances, of this proposal.”

Charlotte bit her tongue.

“It is, as you well know, the duty of a prince of Nohr to produce an heir. Perhaps you are aware of my father’s way of doing things. Did you know, for example, that my siblings and I are all of different mothers?”

“I did not know, milord,” said Charlotte.

Lord Leo smiled rather sadly. “No need to lie for my sake, Charlotte.”

Charlotte felt heat rush up the back of her neck. “Apologies, milord.”

Leo cleared his throat and continued what felt like a carefully rehearsed monologue. “It is my wish not to follow in his footsteps, at least, in terms of the public eye. I believe it is also the duty of a prince to set a fair example for his subjects. Therefore, if I am to have children, they must be all of one mother, who shall be, for the sake of propriety, my one and only legal wife.”

“That’s where you come in,” said Niles.

Charlotte resisted the urge to glare at him, keeping her eyes fixed on the prince. “That’s an admirable aspiration, milord.” Her stomach was curling in knots while she waited patiently for the catch. She kept her hands neatly folded in her lap, sitting like the fine ladies at court did. Hidden beneath the lax fingers of her left hand, her right hand was curled into a fist.

“Rest assured,” said Lord Leo, “you can expect to be well provided for. Both you, and your family.”

“Why milord, such matters are the furthest thing from my mind at a time such as-”

“Charlotte,” he said. “I know you only want to marry me for my money.”

She was silent.

“According to my sources, you seem to have something of a reputation among the more observant denizens of the army, as somewhat of a… what’s the phrase…”

“I think ‘gold digger’ is the terminology I favored,” said Niles.

Charlotte could no longer suppress the urge to glare. “How _dare_ you!” she said.

“Niles,” said Leo. His voice sounded so tired when he slipped out of his prepared speech. “Please, Niles.”

“Sorry,” said Niles, looking away from Charlotte. “I suppose the two of us are going to need to get along from now on.”

“Certainly,” said Charlotte. “I should hate to be on ill terms with my _husband’s_ most loyal retainer.”

_Husband._ The word was heavy and safe on her tongue. She grinned. 

“About that,” said Lord Leo.

“Pardon?” said Charlotte, turning her focus back to him. She was shocked to see that he shied from her gaze, staring instead at a pen he was fidgeting with on his desk. He appeared to be sweating.

“As I said, I wish for the two of us to be married solely for the purpose of producing children, and for setting an example of strong family values for the populace in a way my own father never did, and surely, just as you said so yourself, that is an admirable goal, is it not?

“Should I not be a paragon for them?” he continued, before she had the chance to reply. “What else gives me the right to my title, if I do not make myself worthy of it? Regardless of my own desires, I ought to put the wellbeing of the kingdom before myself. Right?” Once more she opened her mouth to agree but he cut her off yet again, growing more frantic even as he attempted to keep his words steady and his demeanor cool.

“You see, there’s a reason why I have called you here in this manner, and made you swear to secrecy in case of your refusal, and why I have chosen you in particular above all others.” He finally stopped his rambling. He looked up at her expectantly. “Do you know?” he said.

“I’m afraid, milord,” she said carefully, “that I don’t understand.”

Lord Leo slammed the pen down on the desk. “I had hoped,” he said, “that by now, you would have guessed, and spared me from saying so myself.”

“Leo,” said Niles, voice full of concern. “It’s alright.” He stepped forward and placed his hand on his liege’s shoulder. Lord Leo reached up and held onto Niles’s hand, eyes closed.

“Please understand,” said Lord Leo, eyes still closed, “that although I will bow to your every wish…” He opened his eyes to look at her. “I cannot love you.”

Clarity hit like a thunderbolt between Charlotte’s eyes. “Oh,” she said. “So you and Niles…”

“Yeah,” said Niles. He didn’t look at Charlotte when he spoke to her. He only had eyes for his lord, it seemed.

“And so it was I assumed,” said Lord Leo, “you were the perfect candidate. You’re good at keeping secrets, aren’t you?”

“For the right price, anyway,” said Niles.

Charlotte’s forehead creased. “How did you-”

“I have my sources,” said Niles with a sly grin. “Not just another pretty face, are we? Though you could certainly do better when it comes to covering your tracks.”

It was that _man_ again. Charlotte rose to her feet, fists at her sides. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean?” Who did he think he was, talking down to her like that? No different than any other man.

“Niles, _please,”_ said Lord Leo. “Don’t bait her.” He turned back to Charlotte. “Lady Charlotte, forgive him. It’s just his way.”

Being called “Lady” did much to mollify her, and she hid her fists behind her back. “So what if I say no?”

“It would be understandable,” said Lord Leo. “I will not force you to marry me, least of all, to be made a cuckold. But you will never speak of what you learned here today, on pain of death.”

“Death?” she said. “That seems rather harsh.”

“It’s meant to be,” said Niles.

Charlotte wanted to stick her tongue out at him like a child. Instead she silently cracked one of her knuckles behind her back.

"'On pain of death' is standard procedure," said Lord Leo hastily. "Just a formality, really." 

He didn't sound particularly reassuring. Charlotte cleared her throat. “As far as, in my case, assuming that I, should I accept, do I…” Charlotte sighed, and her hands fell limply at her sides. “What’s in it for me, then?”

“You’ll be a princess,” said Lord Leo. Charlotte gaped. “Not to mention, you _and_ your family will never know want again. Is that adequate?”

“I should say so!” she said.

“Then it’s agreed,” said Lord Leo. He pulled out a few more documents from his desk. “I’ll need you to sign this as well then.”

“What’s this one for?” she said.

“A formality, really,” he said.

_There seem to be an awful lot of these "formalities,"_ thought Charlotte. She bit her tongue.

“Just recognition that you understand the terms of the agreement," said Lord Leo, "and won’t file for divorce on grounds of infidelity.” 

“Is my word not enough?” she said.

“Is mine?” he said. “Would you forgo me pledging you the money in writing?”

Charlotte hesitated. “It just feels strange, that we’re to be married, and yet we go about it in this way.”

Leo bit his lip. “I suppose… marriage ought to be built on trust. Even a marriage that’s built on a lie.”

“How about this,” she said. “I’ll sign your contract, if you sign a Havenport contract.”

Niles grinned. “He would _never,”_ he said.

“I would never _what?”_ said Lord Leo. “What’s a Havenport contract?”

“Old local tradition,” said Charlotte. “Where I’m from, very few people are literate. It’s hard to make solid business deals on a man’s word alone if you can’t trust your associates. So, the working people made up our own contract in substitution of a written one. If you broke a Havenport contract, you’d be utterly disgraced. No one would ever do business with you again.”

“Sounds reasonable,” said Lord Leo. “So what are the terms? Is there a ceremony? A charm? A token, perhaps?”

Charlotte spat on her hand and held it out to Lord Leo. As grim understanding dawned on his face, he recoiled in disgust. _“No,”_ he said. “No!”

“I thought you said wanted this relationship to be built on trust,” she said. “Are you a man of business, or not?”

Leo sighed. “Can I keep my gloves on?”

“Absolutely not,” said Charlotte. “And stand up. If we’re gonna do this, we do it proper.”

Lord Leo slid off his glove with a grimace and spat onto his hand.

“Is that the best you can do?” said Charlotte. “That was soft as the morning mist. It has to be a real hawker, milord.”

Lord Leo tried again.

_“Now_ you’ve got it!” said Charlotte, grabbing his hand and shaking it vigorously. 

“Pleasure doing business with you,” she said.

“The pleasure’s all mine,” said Lord Leo, holding the wrist of his right hand like it was broken.

“Not even married yet and she already has you whipped,” said Niles.

“Shut up,” said Lord Leo, wiping his hand on Niles’s cape. “The terms are settled. Now no one can say I haven’t done what is right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the plot thinens


	4. Chapter 4

Havenport was a crowded and dingy town that always smelled of fish and brine, and very little could be said of it save that it was home. Its people were hardy and proud, especially a young girl with a long blonde plait and a runny nose, who ran the winding alleys as if they were wide open fields.

She was seeking.

She navigated the maze of narrow backstreets as if by instinct, clambering over ledges and outrunning a scolding by a woman or two in aprons, the grime running into her skin like an extra layer of sweat.

She leaned against an old fence to catch her breath, but after a second or two, she held it silent, listening hard. She heard the scrape of ropes on cobblestones and the laughter of little girls what might have been 4 whole streets away.

In the next instant she scrambled over the fence towards the source of the noise, letting the splinters brush away harmlessly beneath the calluses of her quick fingers. A turn or two later she emerged into a shabby courtyard full of girls skipping rope. It was Polly Derkins in the center, the ropes whizzing about her like dragonfly wings.

“Found you!” Charlotte cried breathlessly.

Polly froze as the ropes slapped limply against her ankles. She sighed. “I was almost to a hundred, too,” she said.

“You got me good,” said Charlotte. “But I would have got you better if you’d followed the rules. You we’re supposed to hide beyond Harper’s Lane. Did you forget?”

The girls were silent.

“No, we didn’t forget,” said Polly.

“That’s cheating then!” said Charlotte, rolling up her sleeves. “What do you mean by cheating?”

The other girls studied the ground uneasily, though one or two looked up at Polly expectantly.

“We’re not playing,” said Polly. “We don’t want to play with you.”

“What do you mean?” said Charlotte.

Polly Derkins squared her shoulders. “We don’t want to play with you, Charlotte,” she said.

“Oh,” said Charlotte. The moment hung stale in the dank air like yesterday’s wash.

One of the other girls filled the silence. “You’re always so rough. It’s no fun.”

“And you always throw a fit when you lose,” said another.

“And you can’t even double dutch!” said a third.

“But,” said Charlotte, “who am I supposed to play with now?”

Polly Derkins seemed to waver, but she found her bearings quickly. “Just play with the boys,” she said. The others giggled.

Charlotte's hands curled into fists at her sides, and she bit down hard on her back teeth. “They won’t play with me either,” she said.

“That’s hardly my fault,” said Polly, crossing her arms. “Maybe it’s cause you’re as lousy as acting like a boy as you are at acting like a girl.”

In an instant, Charlotte was on her. The others were screaming and scattering while Charlotte had one of Polly’s twin braids curled in a grimy fist, while she held the other one fast between her teeth. With her free hand she pounded blindly downwards, sometimes striking her adversary and sometimes hitting the cobbles below, bits of gravel cutting into the flesh of her knuckles. Polly was 2 years older, but helpless beneath the weight of Charlotte’s desperate wounded savagery.

It was not until one of the more levelheaded of the girls managed to find a suitably authoritative grownup, taking this time the form of Madame Derkins herself, who yanked Charlotte up by the ear off the bleeding and wailing Polly Derkins.

This grip on Charlotte’s ear was not released until she had been dragged all the way home, the long way around. Grownups would rather walk an extra block than hop a fence, it seemed. What madness the world was.

\---

When the ordeal was over and Madame Derkins had gone, Mama smoothed her hands on her apron. Charlotte held her bleeding fist behind her back. She couldn’t hide that her hair had halfway unwoven from her long plait.

“Come here,” said Mama.

Charlotte did as she was told.

Mama held out her hand expectantly. With no small reluctance Charlotte extended her bloody hand.

Mama clicked her tongue. “You did more harm to yourself than you’d ever do to that Derkins girl,” she said.

She led her over to the washbasin and wiped her hand with a clean wet rag. Mama’s hands were hard and warm as the water.

When the wound was properly dressed Charlotte knelt in front of her Mama’s chair. Mama began by untangling the messy braid, and proceeded to brush it gently, never pulling too firmly against the snarls.

“Now,” said Mama. “Tell me everything.”

By the time Mama had put her hair back in the plait, Charlotte reached the end of her tale. She found as well that she had begun to cry. Mama pulled her up onto her lap and held her in her big soft arms.

“Why doesn’t anybody like me, Mama?” said Charlotte.

“That’s not true,” said Mama. “I like you, don’t I?”

“That’s not the same,” said Charlotte. “You _have _to like me.”__

“Well maybe I do,” said Mama thoughtfully, “but that doesn’t make you any less special.” 

Charlotte sniffled. “I want the other girls to like me, too,” she said. “I wanna be like Polly Derkins.” 

“What’s so special about Polly Derkins?” said Mama. “She got herself properly thrashed in the street today, didn’t she? Had it coming too, from what I hear.” Despite herself, Charlotte smiled. 

“But the other girls like her,” she said. “She doesn’t act like a boy.” 

“Is that what they told you?” said Mama. 

Charlotte nodded. 

“I know my little girl better than anyone,” said Mama, “and I _know_ that she doesn’t act like _anyone, _boy or girl. There’s more Polly Derkinses in this world than you can fit in the whole sea, but there’s only one Charlotte in the whole world.”__

Charlotte wiped her eyes. “You always tell me to be myself,” she said. “But I don’t think the real me is easy to love.” 

“That’s not true,” Mama said. “People can be ignorant, is all. Their minds are small and they can’t see what’s clear in front of them. Sometimes there will be people not worth convincing. But other people, _good ___people, need a little push sometimes. You just need to make them see. Then the loving comes easy.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” said Charlotte. 

“It can be difficult,” said Mama. “Oh, I know. But Charlotte, I need you to listen to me.” 

“Yes, Mama?” 

Mama hugged her, and stroked the back of her head. “You are perfect just the way you are. Always remember that.” 

Charlotte buried her face in her mother’s arms. “Yes, Mama,” she said. 


	5. Chapter 5

The following morning, the mess hall was abuzz with the latest bit of gossip.

“So have you heard the news?”

“What news?” said Niles, calmly stirring his morning tea.

“What do you mean, ‘what news?’” said Laslow. “You ought to know – your lord is getting married.”

“Oh really?” said Niles, sipping his tea in apparent mild interest. “That _is_ news.”

“I just _love_ weddings!” said Felicia. “Just think, a woman as elegant as Charlotte all dressed up in a big fancy gown!”

“And don’t forget the big fancy cake!” said Peri.

“It’s about time, too,” huffed Selena, spearing a sausage link. “I half expected him to just keep leading her on. You know how men are.” 

The savage way she was slicing up her breakfast seemed to make Silas uneasy. He cleared his throat, and decided to change the subject. “Well, good for him for snatching her up. We all know what happens when you hesitate, right Benny?”

Benny, who had not been part of the conversation, looked up. “Huh?” he said.

“Well, with you and Charlotte,” said Silas. “You know.”

“No, I don’t,” said Benny.

“Weren’t you two…”

“No,” said Benny. “We weren’t.”

“Oh,” said Silas. “You just seem awfully close, is all.”

Ruffled by the tension in the air, Laslow attempted to calm the waters. “Well, men and women can just be friends sometimes.”

Selena scoffed. “That’s the last thing I’d expect to hear from _you.”_

Niles grinned behind his teacup, sensing an opportunity, and prepared to move in for the kill.

“If what you have in mind when you’re off chasing women is ‘friendship’ then you must be short on friends indeed,” he said. He set down his cup and rested his chin on his hand. “But if you’re ever lonely I hope you know that I just _love_ to make new friends.” 

Laslow flushed a deep scarlet. “Hey, don’t everybody gang up on _me_ all of sudden!”

“Laslow has lots of friends,” said Kaze. “I’m his friend.”

“Oh really?” said Niles, eyeing Kaze up and down. “I had no idea you two were so close.”

Laslow buried his face in his hands. Flustering Laslow was almost too easy to be satisfying, and Niles noted with some disappointment that Kaze didn’t seem to understand that he was being taunted. Ah, well. It was early still. 

Niles took a sip of tea. “Speaking of Laslow’s ambiguously defined male friendships,” he said, “where’s Odin? I haven’t seen him all morning.”

As if on cue, Odin came rushing into the mess hall. “Brethren!” he said. “And… sisteren,” he added hastily. “I bring joyous tidings!”

_“This_ oughta be good,” murmured Selena. 

“I have received word that the lord and master I most humbly and dutifully serve is to be wed!”

“We know,” said Selena.

Odin halted. “Huh?” he said.

“It seems you were the last to know,” said Niles.

“Oh,” said Odin, crestfallen.

“That’s what comes of sleeping in late,” said Niles. “Rough night, I suppose? Should I be jealous?”

“If you’d like,” said Felicia, “we could pretend to be surprised.”

“I’m a reasonably convincing actor,” added Laslow. “It would be just like the real thing.”

Odin hesitated, considering the proposal for a moment. “OK!” he said. “But let me start over from the top, I flubbed the entrance.”

Selena rolled her eyes, but didn’t excuse herself from playing along.

In a moment, Odin rushed out of the mess hall, and then back in. “Brothers and sisters in arms!” he said.

“Ah, see, that was _much_ better than the first one,” whispered Felicia. Laslow nodded in agreement.

“I bring joyous tidings!” continued Odin. “It is with pride I announce that my lord and master Prince Leo of Nohr is to be wed to our blood forged comrade, Charlotte.”

Effie, suddenly distracted from what was probably her third helping of the morning, finally looked up from her plate. “What?” she said through a mouthful of half chewed pancakes. “Since when?”

Odin pumped his fist in triumph. “Yes!” he cried. “None may challenge Odin Dark, master of the dramatic reveal!”

Niles smiled wryly and sipped his tea. Oh, if only he knew the half of it.

It was then that Charlotte herself entered the hall. “And here she is!” said Odin. The woman of the hour!”

Niles fixed his gaze upon her, sensing to no small surprise that for once, her timidity rang genuine.

The hall clattered with wishes of congratulations from all sides. Niles, however, silently sipped his tea.

“Oh, thank you, everyone,” she said, “you leave me speechless. A bride can only blush so much!”

“Well, go on!” said Selena. “Give us all the details!”

“Pardon?” said Charlotte.

“You know, about the wedding!” said Selena.

“Oh,” said Charlotte. “It’s… not in order yet.”

“But you must have something in mind,” said Silas. “They say that every woman starts planning her wedding from the time she’s a little girl.”

“Do they?” said Charlotte. “I mean… yes, yes I have. Of course I have! I’ve always dreamed about what it would be like to get married, down to the last detail. The whole thing is already arranged.”

“Quick work!" said Selena. "C'mon then, spill!”

“Have you chosen a bouquet?” said Laslow.

“What about a dress?” said Felicia.

“What kind of cake will there be?” said Peri.

“Well, um,” stuttered Charlotte, but Niles came to her rescue.

“Give the lady some space, will you?” said Niles. “She’s only just got here.”

Niles could almost hear the relief radiating out of her.

“In fact,” he said, finishing the rest of his tea in a single gulp, “I think there’s business the two of us ought to attend to with Lord Leo, as his retainer and his fiancée.”

“Then I shall accompany you as well!” said Odin.

“But you haven’t had breakfast yet,” said Niles.

“Neither have you!” said Odin. “All you had was tea!”

“That’s all I ever have,” said Niles. “Now be a good boy and get something to eat. It’s your duty to keep your strength up.”

Without a word more, Niles took Charlotte by the arm and led her out of the mess hall.

“Thanks for that,” she said. 

“You should have expected as much,” said Niles. “There was no reason to lie, you could have kept everything vague.”

“I panicked,” said Charlotte. “I just. Thought I ought to say what they expected me to.”

“You and me both.” Niles was still holding her arm, leading her around the next turn.

“Where are we going?” she said. “This isn’t the way to Lord Leo’s quarters.”

“That’s because we’re not going to see Lord Leo,” he said, glancing over his shoulder.

His grip on her arm didn’t tighten, but suddenly it felt like she was trapped in a vise. She longed to rip herself away, but she did not. Niles continued to lead her across the castle grounds, and then spoke softly.

“Leo trusts you because he thinks he can buy your loyalty with money. I know better than that. I just need you to know that I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, but that can only get you so far.”

They arrived in a secluded grove of barren dead trees far from the main campus of the castle, and he released her, looking once again over his shoulder.

“You need to understand the way things are going to work from now on,” said Niles. “Like it or not, you’ll be a princess, and it’s not gonna be the easy carefree life you might think it will be. From now on, everyone is going to scrutinizing your every move, your every word, your every thought. And most importantly, that’s going to reflect upon Leo.”

The fierceness of the gaze from his single eye was piercing enough to hold the weight of two. “From now on, when people think ill of you, they’ll also think ill of him. And that can’t happen. A scandal would ruin him.” 

Charlotte held her fist behind her back. “What about you?” she said. “You’re his retainer. Everyone knows the way _you_ traipse about. Everyone thinks you’re a disgrace.”

Niles chuckled. “I’m nobody,” he said. “Don’t you understand? You’re going to be his _wife._ The mother of his child. He can’t see that he’s giving the power to destroy him to someone he can’t be sure he can trust. And I just need to let you know, that if you betray him, I’ll never forgive you.”

“Is that a threat?” she said.

“It is if it needs to be,” he said.

“Oh you’re just _so_ clever, aren’t you?” she said. “Mr. Always-Knows-What-To-Say.”

It was strange. This man who had roused so much anger in her, but from whom she had no reason to hide, inspired in her a strange and unfamiliar sense of freedom. She felt she had the strength to shake the earth with her rage, to tear the trees up by their roots.

Emboldened, she let her fists hang plainly at her sides, and continued. “It’s not _my_ fault you’re bitter because the prince decided to demote you to his…” She paused, searching for the proper phrase. “Bit on the side,” she finished.

Niles blinked at her dumbly for a moment, incredulous, but then began to laugh. “Bit on the side?” he said. “Is _that_ what you think this is about?”

Being laughed at did nothing to calm Charlotte’s rage.

“I don’t think you quite understand your position, _Lady_ Charlotte,” he said. “I’m not the ‘bit on the side.’ I’m the main course. _You’re_ the other woman here, _honey._ Not me.” He had stopped laughing, and rested his palm on his forehead. “And even if I _wasn’t,_ and even if I could possibly care _less_ about any of that, this has _never_ been about me, or what I want. This is about –“

“Is something wrong?” came a voice from the grove. “I heard shouting.” Lady Azura drifted out of the mist like a ghost. She seemed to float upon the air. Despite herself, Charlotte was struck with just a little bit of awe.

“Milady!” she said. “It’s nothing to worry about, really, he and I were just –“

“Don’t bother,” said Niles. He sounded tired. Lady Azura's calming presence seemed to pull a heavy weight back onto his shoulders. “His family already knows the truth.” He rubbed the side of his face beside his eye patch wearily. “Apologies, ladies, for raising my voice. I’ll be going now.”

Charlotte eyed him cautiously. He was an unpredictable man for sure, but it would be best to stay in his good graces, under the circumstances. “I accept your apology,” she said carefully. She weighed the risk of saying what else she wanted to say, and decided to take the chance. “But for future reference,” she said, “I don’t like it when men call me ‘honey.’”

“Oh yeah?” said Niles. “Well, that’s one more difference between you and me.” Without another word, he vanished into the morning mist, silent as a passing shadow.

Charlotte was left to awkwardly face Lady Azura.

“He’s not a bad man,” said Lady Azura. Suddenly, Charlotte's fists clenched at her side felt like anvils, and she let them slacken.

Lady Azura, sensing her discomfort, smiled with understanding. “He just takes some getting used to, is all,” she said. “Like a stray cat, warming up to strangers.”

“Generous of you to say so, Milady,” said Charlotte. She paused. “By the way,” she said, “if you don’t mind me asking, what are you doing here?”

“This is my favorite grove,” she said. “I just find its beauty irresistible.”

Charlotte looked around in bewilderment at the blackened and twisted branches of the dead wood. In the swirling mist, it looked like a haunted graveyard.

“Oh,” said Charlotte. “It’s… it’s something, alright.”

“Yes,” said Lady Azura. “It is very much unlike all the other groves on the grounds. Which is why, to me, it is the most lovely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (lucille bluth voice) i don't much care for silas


	6. Chapter 6

It was a cool grey day of a wet spring muddled into a reluctant summer, with the mist still rising from the sea at the break of noon. Charlotte stood on the end of the floating pier that stretched farthest from the shore, where the water was the least brown and the most blue. At her side was a pile of fine flat rocks, stacked carefully so that the gentle swaying of the harbor waves wouldn’t upset them into the sea.

She lined up her shot carefully. This time, it skipped within ten or so paces of the buoy, almost all the way onto the sandbar. Every day she was getting closer. She picked up another stone. Despite the pleasant cool of the salty air, she could feel sweat beading on her neck below where her long plait was pulled taught and dry. First came the wind up, and then, the release.

“You’re pretty good,” came a soft voice behind her. She fell off balance as she threw, and the stone sank into the harbor with a disappointing _plunk._ Charlotte scowled. What a waste.

In anger, she whipped around to face her challenger with an acrid word ready upon her tongue, only to bite it back when she saw a certain neighborhood boy of intimidating stature. She knew him by sight, but not by name. All of the other children had always taken care to avoid him, but as he approached, Charlotte stood her ground. She could not let her weakness show through. 

He looked down at the ripples at the end of the dock. 

"Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to break your concentration." 

“It’s no big deal,” said Charlotte. “I have plenty.” 

To Charlotte’s surprise, the boy avoided meeting her eye, uneasy. With the nervous shift of his weight, the dock bobbed lazily beneath their feet. 

“What do you want?” she said. 

The boy continued to watch the ripples as they faded into the gentle harbor waves, holding his hands behind his back in a way that was almost timid. “I’ve seen you come here,” he said. “Whenever I come walking this way, you’re skipping stones on the water.” 

“What’s it to you?” she said. 

“I mean, I just wanted to tell you, you’re pretty good, is all. But I said that already, I guess.” 

Charlotte wavered. “Thanks,” she said, studying him with narrowed eyes. In the distance, the sound of the bell in buoy over the sandbar rang in the wind and mingled with the gentle lull of the waves. 

In the silence, the boy shuffled his feet uneasily again, his hands remaining behind him. 

“What have you got behind your back?” she said. 

“Oh, it’s just,” he said, “it’s nothing.”

“Let me see,” she said, louder than she needed to, because she could not let him know that she was afraid. 

She sized him up. He was awfully big, but she wagered she was just strong. She could hold her own, if she needed to. Probably. 

The boy sighed. With the same strange timidity befitting a boy much smaller, he held out a small burlap sack. “I brought rocks,” he said. “The past few days, I’ve tried it, too. But it’s… hard.” 

Charlotte nodded. “True,” she said. "Much harder than it looks." 

“Could you teach me?” he said. 

Charlotte felt the skin on the back of her neck burn. She looked away. “I don’t know,” she said. “Aren’t you a little old to be playing with rocks, anyway?” 

“We’re the same age,” said the boy. “Actually, I think you’re a few months older than me.” 

“Really?” said Charlotte. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah,” he said. 

“Oh,” she said. “Sorry.” 

The boy looked at his feet. The harsh clang of the buoy over the sandbar rang once more over the harbor. 

“Could you teach me?” he said again, so quietly that she almost didn’t hear him. 

Charlotte faltered. Polly Derkins’s words echoed in her ear. _Just play with the boys._

“Well,” she said. “I’m awfully busy today…” 

“Oh,” he said. “I see. Sorry to bother you.” 

“Hold on!” she said. “I mean, I’m awfully busy today, but…” She squared her shoulders. “I’m sure I can make time for a fan.” 

The boy didn’t smile, but somehow, his whole expression brightened. 

She held out her hand. “Lemme see those rocks, then.” 

He handed off the bag to her, and she examined its contents critically. 

“Well, _there’s_ your problem, dummy!” she said. “You chose bad rocks!” 

“Bad?” he said. “How?” 

“These are all big and round,” she said. She dropped the heavy bag onto the pier, and it swayed beneath their feet. She picked up a stone from her own pile and handed it to him. “See this? Flat and smooth. That’ll sit right on top of the water, just like the hull of a boat.” 

The boy studied the rock in silent fascination. 

“Now watch,” she said. She picked up another stone, assumed the stance, prepared the windup, and released. 

It skipped effortlessly over the surface 7 times before sinking below the waves. “Easy peasy,” she said, dusty off her hands. “Now you try.” 

“What?” he said. “Now?” 

“Well, how can you learn if you don’t do it?” she said. “Don’t be a baby!” 

The boy took a deep breath, and squeezed the rock in his hand. As best he could, he copied her stance, her motions, took a deep breath, and threw. 

“Hey!” she said, clapping him perhaps a bit too hard on the back. “You did it!” 

“I did?” he said. 

“What, are you blind?” she said. “You got one whole skip!” 

“I didn’t see,” he said. “I had my eyes closed.” 

Charlotte laughed so hard that she snorted. The boy couldn’t help but smile, just a bit. 

“You’ll have to work on that,” she said. “But you’re a natural, believe me. You got the delicate touch.” 

“Delicate?” he said. “Me? Really?” 

“Of course!” she said. “If you keep at it, I bet you could be almost as good as me.” 

“Does that mean you’ll come back tomorrow?” said the boy. 

“I’m here every day,” she said. 

“Then I will be too,” he said. 

Charlotte frowned. “But don’t you know the things they say about me?” she said. “Don’t you know that nobody likes me?” 

“They say things about me, too,” he said. “Do you believe them?” 

Charlotte considered a moment. “Well, now that I’m here talking to you… no. Not really,” she said. 

The boy looked at his feet. "I knew you wouldn't," he said. Charlotte listened to the harbor waves, counting the times the flow moved back and forth towards the shore. 

After a moment or so, the boy spoke again. “Does this mean we’re friends?” he said. 

Charlotte put her hands on her hips and looked off towards the horizon. The afternoon sun was beginning to burn off the mist. Her chest swelled. “Yes,” she said. “It does.” 

She turned back to the boy, and held out her hand. “I’m Charlotte,” she said. 

The boy took her hand with one that was large and warm. “I’m Benny,” he said. “It’s nice to meet you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy birthday, benny


	7. Chapter 7

Charlotte stood alone on the balcony, braced against the evening chill. The lake was spread out beneath her like a sheet of cool black glass in the still night air. Her wedding dress sparkled in the icy moonlight.

The warm air of the ballroom drifted over her bare shoulders as the door swung open behind her, and out with it, drifted Lady Azura as well. “There you are,” she said. “Everyone is looking for you.”

“Apologies, milady,” said Charlotte. “I just needed some fresh air.”

“No need for titles any longer,” said Azura. “We’re family now, aren’t we?”

Charlotte smiled sheepishly and looked at the ground. “Yes, I suppose,” she said. “Though the circumstances are a bit unorthodox.”

“All the best things are,” said Azura. They stood a moment in silence, the polite chatter of the reception and the lilting waltz of the string quartet drifting in from the ballroom through the balcony door, which Azura had left ajar.

A strange family they were indeed. Charlotte recalled earlier that morning, when Camilla and Elise had fawned over her in her new dress. Camilla had embraced her and doted upon her and Elise and done up her hair with fine pink roses. Charlotte had never had siblings. They, too, had insisted that she was their family now. Remembering it now was like calling to mind a distant dream.

“Is there something troubling you?” said Azura finally, shaking Charlotte from her distant thoughts.

“Not at all,” said Charlotte. “Why should I be troubled? I’ve gotten everything I’ve ever wanted. This is the happiest day of my life. This is the happiest day of _any _woman’s life, isn’t it?”__

____

____

“That’s what people say,” said Azura. “But if I may be so bold, I don’t think you’re just any woman, Charlotte.”

Before she could stop herself, Charlotte snorted. “You’re too kind,” she said. “Though I don’t think I believe that there’s such a thing as ‘just any woman,’ truth be told.”

“Me neither,” said Azura, a gleam of amusement flashing behind her usually stoic eyes. As soon as it had shown itself, however, the light faded. “I know you don’t know me very well,” she said, “but I should hope, Charlotte, that if something were _truly _troubling you, you could count on me to lend a sympathetic ear. I’m not terribly used to being a part of this family, either, you see.”__

____

____

Charlotte studied Azura in the moonlight. Her hand was gripped around the seam on the side of her dress as if in apprehension, her brow furrowed beneath her flowing hair. My, she was beautiful, she thought, and so unsure. Suddenly Charlotte’s better judgment abandoned her.

“Did you know,” she said, “after the priest pronounced us man and wife, right then, that was my first kiss?”

“Really?” said Azura.

“Strange, isn’t it? Especially as a woman with my reputation.”

“I shouldn’t think so,” said Azura. “I never pay much mind to rumors. I know for myself how cruel they can be. And I do confess, I’ve never been kissed, either.”

“I always knew it would be with someone whom I didn’t love,” said Charlotte, looking out at the moon reflected on the glassy surface of the lake. “I always saw to that. I don’t think I’ve ever loved a man in my life. And yet, I didn’t anticipate that it would be with someone who didn't love me, either.”

Azura said nothing.

“Men have always loved me,” Charlotte continued. “By the time I was just 14, they all loved me, and oh, how it frightened me. The way they would look at me! It felt like with their eyes on me I shrank down to something that you could carry in your pocket, to tuck away into the darkness and never let out.” Charlotte gripped the edge of the balcony with white knuckles.

“But today, I was watching him,” Charlotte said. “Niles, I mean. Both Leo’s retainers up there on the altar with him, and you and Camilla and Elise beside me, but I was watching him. All the same, I don’t think he even noticed me there. He was watching Leo. Strange that Leo's my husband now, I suppose. But Niles had such love in his eyes for this man, even while being forced to stand there in silence, and watch him marry a woman! He looked at Leo like he was the only thing in the world. I’d never seen him look so warm, or so happy.” She turned away from the balcony to look at Azura.

“It was far too late, I know, but I just thought to myself that I was losing something so precious. For the first time in my life I wished that someone would love me that way. Not in a way that squashed me down into something small, but could make me feel big as the whole world.” Charlotte scoffed. “What a foolish and impossible thing to wish for.” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and a stray rose petal fluttered down over the edge of the balcony. “As if I didn’t learn a long time ago that no one could ever love me.”

The ensuing silence was dreadful.

Finally, Azura cleared her throat. “I talked to your parents,” she said.

“You did?” said Charlotte.

Azura nodded. “They’re the life of the party, in fact. Quite lovely people. They love each other and they love you. They love the _real _you, Charlotte.”__

____

____

Charlotte looked away.

“You may not believe it,” said Azura, “but it seems to me it’s the people who know the real Charlotte who love her best.”

“Maybe you believe that,” said Charlotte, “but you don’t know the real Charlotte.”

“I guess I don’t,” said Azura, “but I would like to.”

Charlotte said nothing.

Suddenly, the lilting waltz drifting outward from the ballroom ended, and the quartet struck up a lively reel.

Azura brightened. “I love this song!” she said. She took Charlotte by the hand. “Please, come back inside. You’ll catch your death out here. Share a dance with me. They say it’s good luck to dance with a bride on her wedding.”

“They do?” said Charlotte.

“Well, no,” said Azura. “I made that up just now. But it sounds like something that _ought _to be true. Don’t you think so?”__

____

____

Charlotte smiled. “Yes,” she said. “I think it must be true.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i may not be anywhere CLOSE to finishing this story but i love the feedback i've been getting, and the people who leave comments every week make this all worthwhile. i'm so glad people love charlotte as much as i do! thank you so much


	8. Chapter 8

The boat rocked upon the waves like a child tossing in a restless sleep as the net was hauled up against the starboard side, swollen with fish.

Charlotte held the damp ropes fast in her hands, ignoring the burn where they tugged against her skin. “Steady as she goes,” called the bosun. Charlotte longed to turn to her father, to be calmed by the steady reassurance of his smile, but she didn’t dare look away.

It was then she heard him cry out, and heard the snap of the ropes to her left, and felt the weight of the net triple. There was a slick and almost sickening whoosh as the sudden weight made the ropes slip between the fingers of the man on her right, but Charlotte did not let her hand waver. She couldn’t let the catch drop into the ocean, or she wouldn’t be paid for the day’s work.

The weight of the net slammed her body forward against the railing with enough force to bruise her ribs.

The men stood by and stared.

“What are you waiting for?” she said. “Help me!”

As if shaken from a trance, they scrambled to get a hold on the ends of the ropes that hadn’t snapped, and the net was hauled aboard.

Charlotte clutched her ribs where they had been bruised, panting. Her father had fallen back and struck his head on the deck when the rope snapped, but he was unharmed, if a little dazed. She staggered to his side and pulled him to his feet.

The men had resumed their staring.

Charlotte expected the bosun to snarl at them all to get back to work, but he didn’t. She scowled at them. “What?” she said.

The bosun, who was an imposing and square-shaped man, grinned in that ugly way of his, not to show his joy, but rather to display the two gold teeth on the bottom row of his cinderblock jaw. “They’re staring because it’s supposed to take three men to haul that aboard,” he said.

“This time it took four,” she said.

The bosun chuckled. “In the end, it did. But until then, you held it, didn’t you? All on your sweet lonesome.”

Charlotte glanced at the faces of the men. Papa put his hand on her shoulder. “Charlotte is awfully strong,” he said. “She always has been.”

“Ah, that’s right, you’re her father, aren’t you?” said the bosun. “Awful shame.”

Charlotte clenched her teeth. “What’s _that _supposed to mean then, I wonder?” she said.__

____

____

__“Hush now, girlie,” said the bosun. “The men are talking.”_ _

__Charlotte felt Papa’s hand tighten on her shoulder. “Anything you can say to me,” said Papa, “you can say to her.”_ _

__The bosun’s eyes flashed. “How old are you, girlie?”_ _

__“15,” she said. “16 this May.”_ _

__The bosun whistled low. “Almost old enough to get married then, ain’tcha?”_ _

__“I guess,” said Charlotte. “But I don’t really wanna get married.”_ _

__The men laughed._ _

__The bosun turned to Charlotte’s Papa. “Best do something about this one, right quick.”_ _

__“Hey!” said Charlotte. She tore herself away from Papa’s grip on her shoulder. “Didn't you hear what my Papa said? If you wanna say something, say it to me!”_ _

__The bosun rolled his eyes. “I had my doubts about you from the start, I’ll admit, though you do some good work. But a smart little girl like you has to know that she can’t live like this forever.”_ _

__“Why not?” said Charlotte. “Didn’t you say so yourself?” She drew herself up to her full height. “I can do the work of three men.”_ _

__“A shame about that, really,” the bosun said. “If you were a lad, I’m sure you’d have been an asset to the company.”_ _

Charlotte clenched her fists. “Why _can’t _I be?”__

____

____

____“Charlotte,” whispered Papa behind her. “Let it go.” She ignored him._ _ _ _

____“We’d have lost the catch if not for me, and you know it,” she said. “So why is it that everyone looks down on me?”_ _ _ _

“Girlie,” said the bosun, “dressing like a man is not the same thing as _being _a man.”__

____

____

______\---_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m sorry,” Charlotte said._ _ _ _ _ _

______Papa was bandaging her knuckles._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Don’t worry about it,” said Papa. “I still have a job. They’re only docking my pay.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s not fair,” she said. “They’re punishing you for something I did.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It was worth it,” he said. “I’ve been dreaming about smashing in those ugly teeth of his for years. You’re much braver than I am, Charlotte.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m not brave,” she said. “I just couldn’t stop myself.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I think maybe that’s what bravery is,” said Papa. “Sometimes, our common sense prevents us from doing the right thing.” Papa paused. “A father ought to look out for his daughter,” he said. “I shouldn’t have let him go so far, as to put the burden on you.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s not your fault,” said Charlotte._ _ _ _ _ _

“It’s not _your _fault, either,” said Papa, who had resumed fixing the bandages over her knuckles. “It’s the bosun’s fault.”__

____

____

________Charlotte snorted into a giggle, but quickly sank back into her glum resignation. “Maybe if I could talk to the owner,” she said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Papa shook his head. “He lives in Windmire. I’ve never even met him.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Windmire?” she said. “That’s so far north. It's not even on the ocean. What could he possibly know about fishing?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“He’s not a fisherman,” said Papa. “He’s a businessman.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“That’s ridiculous!” she said. “We should… we should do something.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Papa tied off her bandage. “What should we do?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Charlotte thought for a moment. “We could sign on with a different company,” she said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“You know as well as I do that every vessel in Havenport flies under the same flag,” he said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Well maybe, we could start our _own _company,” she said. “We wouldn’t have to deal with bosses or bosuns, and we’d get to keep all the money we made from what we caught!”__

____

____

__________“You need money to start a company,” said Papa._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

"That’s not fair,” said Charlotte. “Why are the only people who can make money the people who already _have _it?”__

____

____

____________“The world isn’t fair,” he said. He patted her wrist where the bandage ended. “But would that I could make it that way, so you wouldn’t have to fight it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Charlotte embraced him. “I’m going to Windmire,” she said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“What?” he said, pulling out of the embrace to look at her. “Charlotte, please, he’ll never listen to you, it’d be –”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Not for that,” she said. “There’s nothing in Havenport but the fish. But in Windmire, I can do anything. I can start fresh. I can make my fortune.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“Now hold on Charlotte, you can’t just, strike out on your own, out of the blue—”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“But it’s not out of the blue!” she said. “And I wouldn't be on my own. I’ve been thinking on this for a long time. I've spoken to Benny about it, and he's coming with me. I’ve just been waiting till I had the money, is all.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“The money?” said Papa. _“What _money?”__

____

____

______________Charlotte reached into her pocket and pulled out two bloody gold teeth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Papa stared at them a moment, and then laughed. “Oh, Charlotte, he said. “Oh, my wonderful Charlotte.” He kissed her forehead. “I couldn’t stop you if I tried, could I?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“But I know you _won’t _try,” she said. She held out one of the teeth. “This one is for you. I’ll send back more gold when I start making money, I promise.”__

____

____

________________Papa closed her fingers back around the tooth. “Keep it,” he said. “You need it more than I do.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	9. Chapter 9

Charlotte walked up to Azura’s door for the fifth time that night, prepared as if to knock, but instead staring dumbly at the intricate grain of the wood. This time, she really ought to turn around and go back to bed, the princess would not want to be disturbed at such a late hour, and it was foolish to think she would want to listen in the first place.

Suddenly, the door to Azura’s chambers opened. Charlotte took a few stumbling steps back in alarm.

“Forgive me,” said Azura. “I didn’t mean to surprise you. I have rather acute hearing, you see.”

The lines that Charlotte had rehearsed abandoned her. “Good evening,” she managed.

“Good evening,” said Azura.

“It’s nice to see you,” said Charlotte. “It’s been awhile.”

“It’s been a few hours since dinner, I think,” said Azura.

Charlotte frowned.

“It’s alright,” said Azura. “I’m only joking. I’ve been told sometimes it can be difficult to tell when I’m not being serious.”

Charlotte laughed nervously, and took a deep breath.

“I came here because I needed to talk to you,” she said.

“Is something wrong?” said Azura.

“Now _that’s _a loaded question,” said Charlotte before she could stop herself. What a foolish thing to say, she thought. That could have been a fatal mistake – what was it about Azura that always made one lower one’s guard?__

__Well. If honesty was going to be the word of the evening. It might as well begin._ _

__“That night. On the balcony,” said Charlotte. “When you said I could talk to you about anything. Does that offer still stand?”_ _

__Azura smiled. “I’ll open a bottle.”_ _

__\---_ _

__Charlotte poured herself another generous tankard of mead. “And then there was that other woman,” she said. “Lady Something or Other, some doddering old biddy, do you know her?”_ _

__“I’m afraid you’ll have to be more specific,” said Azura, nursing a sip of her drink._ _

__“You know,” said Charlotte, gesturing vaguely at the empty air, “the one with the hair.”_ _

“Ah yes,” said Azura. _“Her.”_

____

____

“Then she starts asking me for my opinions on the latest fashions or some frivolous nonsense in ladies’ hats, and then gloves, and then scarves, one after the other, frighteningly specific, and oh I just _know _I gave all the wrong answers, I just know they were waiting for me to leave so they could tear me to shreds.”__

____

____

______“I’m so sorry,” said Azura. “I know better than most how brutal court life can be.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“It’s not even just that,” said Charlotte. “I had expected this sort of thing. I’m used to it. It’s not worth a damn to me, whether some pampered haggle of crones thinks I’m fit to be a woman, but it was just that…” Charlotte hesitated._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Yes?” said Azura._ _ _ _ _ _

______Charlotte glanced around Azura’s chambers, as if she expected someone to leap out at her from behind a tasteful powder blue cushion. “Can I trust that I’m speaking to you in confidence?” she said._ _ _ _ _ _

______Azura knitted her brow. “Of course,” said Azura. “Whatever you have to say, it will never leave this room.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Charlotte took a big gulp of mead. “Well,” she said. “Leo was there, too.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Ah,” said Azura, nodding with understanding. “And he said nothing to aid you, I take it?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Well, yes,” said Charlotte. “But that’s not the problem either. I never expected him to. See, the trouble came after we had gone home, and we were alone again. After watching those women humiliate me, do you know what he said?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“What did he say?” said Azura._ _ _ _ _ _

______“He said,” said Charlotte, “he said, ‘You ought not pay any mind to what people think of you.’ Can you believe it? The nerve!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I’m afraid I don’t quite understand,” said Azura. “Was that the wrong thing to say?”_ _ _ _ _ _

“Well,” said Charlotte, “I suppose it sounds rather different repeating it back to you. See, if _you _had said it to me, or if, say, my mother and father had said it to me, then I wouldn’t have thought you meant any ill by it. But Leo… After all I’ve done, he’s still trying to test my loyalty, to prod me till I break, to keep me in line! You don’t think for a minute that he, of all people, believes one ought not pay any mind to what people think?”__

_____ _

_____ _

_____ _

_____ _

_____ _

_____ _

Azura sighed. “I’ve gotten to know my brothers and sisters all very well,” she said, “though Leo proved hardest to get close to. His trouble is, there’s quite a difference between what Leo _believes _he believes, and what he _truly _believes.”____

_____ _

_____ _

______________“How do you mean?” said Charlotte. “You can either believe something, or you don’t. I don’t think he could have approached me the way he did and not care very deeply about what people think of him.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Well, logically, yes,” said Azura. “But he doesn’t know that. See, it’s very important to him that people think he thinks what they think is unimportant.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Charlotte blinked. With a sigh, she gazed into the foam of her tankard. “Do you think this was a mistake?” she said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Well you have had quite a bit to drink,” said Azura._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“No,” said Charlotte. “Not this. I mean. _This.”_

____

____

________________“Oh,” said Azura. “You mean, do I think you shouldn’t have married my brother?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Charlotte nodded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Azura took a sip of mead. “I don’t know,” she said. “I really don’t.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________“That’s not terribly reassuring,” said Charlotte._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Azura smiled rather weakly, and put her hand on Charlotte’s where it was resting on the table to give it a friendly squeeze. “I couldn’t lie to you, Charlotte,” she said, “even if it was to tell you what you wanted to hear.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i almost forgot to post this chapter tonight cause i spent all day playing assassin's creed and then watching my brothers play gran turismo 5 and then taking care of my mom's new puppy and then fast and the furious was on tv and i played the same janis joplin song on my guitar for like 2 hours to make my dad happy and then i saw this HUGE spider kill a moth outside my window and i watched that for a long time cause i love spiders but then i remembered what day it was and suddenly i was like I HAVE TWO HOURS TO WRITE A THOUSAND WORDS


	10. Chapter 10

“I’M GONNA TEAR YOU IN HALF!” Charlotte screamed with a mighty swing of her axe, knocking her foe into the dirt.

“Alright, alright, break it up,” said the captain. “You can’t _really _kill him, they’ll dock it from my pay.”__

__“Sorry,” said Charlotte. “I guess I’m always giving my all, I can’t help it.”_ _

__She held out her hand to her opponent. “It was a good fight,” she said. The man elected to ignore her, pointedly avoiding her gaze as he pulled himself to his feet without her help. Charlotte scowled._ _

__“Pack it up, men,” said the captain. “You’ve earned a break. Enjoy some extra rest and relaxation before dinner.”_ _

__There was scattered cheering as the men cleared out of the training arena. Charlotte couldn’t remember the last time training had let out early. Maybe she’d have time to write an extra long letter to her parents. She merrily dusted off her uniform as she began composing what she would write to them in her head._ _

__“All except you, Blondie,” said the captain. “You’re on kitchen duty tonight.”_ _

__Charlotte’s good mood deflated in an instant. “Again?” she said. “But that makes every night this week!”_ _

__“Well, you’re a good cook, aren’t you?” said the captain._ _

__“Yes, but—”_ _

__“But, nothing,” said the captain. “You’ll do as you’re told. Women like cooking, anyway.”_ _

__Charlotte raised her fist at her side. “Now listen here—”_ _

__“Careful there, Blondie,” said the captain. “Remember your place.”_ _

__Charlotte quickly hid her fist behind her back. Starting fights always brought her nothing but trouble, and yet it seemed everywhere she turned, someone was there to provoke her._ _

__“Forgive me, Captain,” she said through gritted teeth. “But now that we have the time, I thought I might take this opportunity to speak to you about something that’s been on my mind.”_ _

__“Oh?” said the captain. “Well, I must say, I’m flattered.” He put his filthy hand on her shoulder. “What’s on your mind?” Charlotte resisted the urge to violently pull away from him._ _

__“It’s just that, you see sir, I’ve been in training an awfully long time. And, I don’t mean to brag, sir, but you see me fight the others every day, and I’m at a much higher level than any of them. I was wondering how soon I could put in a request to be stationed as a palace guard.”_ _

__The captain chuckled. “Well, I’d say I was disappointed, but I had a feeling you’d be asking me something like this sooner or later.”_ _

__“So you’ve given it some thought?” said Charlotte._ _

__“More so than you have, I think,” said the captain._ _

__Charlotte’s brow furrowed._ _

“Do you think they just let _anybody _become a palace guard?” said the captain.__

____

____

____“Of course not!” said Charlotte. “I know it’s a great honor. I’ve trained long and hard for it, I can take on anyone! I’m as strong as they come!”_ _ _ _

____The captain smiled and shook his head. “Well sure it’s enough to be strong, if you’re a man.”_ _ _ _

____“What do you mean?” said Charlotte._ _ _ _

The captain leaned in uncomfortably close. She could smell his sour breath. “This is the _royal palace _we’re talking about, Sugarplum,” said the captain. “If you want them to look your way, it helps to have a little something extra to offer.” He squeezed her shoulder. Charlotte almost couldn’t help herself from slapping his hand away, but she held herself steady by squeezing the fingers of the fist she held behind her back. She felt them crack silently and sickeningly.__

____

____

______“It’s a shame, the way you are, you know,” the captain continued. His eyes strayed, and then lingered. “You could be quite a piece of eye candy, if you made the effort. Now, I say this with your best interests at heart, mind you. You know I only want what’s best for you, right?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Charlotte’s nails were digging into the palm of her hand. “Yes, sir,” she said._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Good talk, then,” said the captain, patting her on the back. “I’m looking forward to dinner tonight,” he called over his shoulder as he left. “Love that woman’s touch of yours.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______\---_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Can you believe it?” said Charlotte. “The nerve!”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Charlotte was pacing up and down the length of the dingy barracks kitchen, maintaining an iron grip on a large butcher knife, which she held more like a weapon than a culinary tool._ _ _ _ _ _

______“Careful with that,” said Benny, as he chopped the carrots._ _ _ _ _ _

______Charlotte sighed. “Sorry,” she said. “I’m just so angry.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You have plenty of reason to be angry,” said Benny. “Try taking it out on the vegetables. You’ll feel better.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Speaking of which,” said Charlotte. “I appreciate the help with my kitchen duty, I really do.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Don’t mention it,” said Benny, dumping the sliced carrots into the stew._ _ _ _ _ _

______The wood of the old knife handle was swollen and rough in her hand. She squeezed it tighter. “He just…” she said, “he makes me feel so sick, and I can’t even do anything to stop him.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I don’t think that’s true,” said Benny, turning his back to Charlotte to begin slicing the potatoes._ _ _ _ _ _

______“What do you mean?” said Charlotte._ _ _ _ _ _

______“I mean, you could tell one of the higher ups,” he said. “I don’t see why you’re not fighting back. It’s not like you, Charlotte.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“You’re saying…” said Charlotte. “You’re saying I should come forward, about how he’s treating me?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“Of course,” said Benny, steadily slicing the potatoes. “I’m sure they’d clear this all up as soon as they knew the truth. I can’t understand why you haven’t done it already.”_ _ _ _ _ _

______Charlotte’s grip on the handle slackened. The knife clattered to the floor. Benny whipped around. “Charlotte?” he said. “Are you OK?”_ _ _ _ _ _

______“I thought… I thought you would understand.”_ _ _ _ _ _

“I _do _understand,” said Benny. “It’s not right, the way he treats you.”__

____

____

________Charlotte began to laugh. “I never stood a chance in this place,” she said. “I never should have left.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________“Don’t talk like that,” said Benny. “Not after we’ve come so far. Please, if I upset you, just—”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“I didn’t say we,” she said. “I said. _I. _I never should have left home.”__

____

____

_____ _

_____ _

____________“But you’ve come so far,” said Benny. “You’ve done so much.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________“And yet I still can’t do enough,” she said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Benny seemed to have identified his blunder, if only in part. “Oh, Charlotte,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make it seem like I thought it was your fault. Of _course _it’s not your fault. I just meant that—”__

____

____

______________“It’s alright, Benny,” said Charlotte. “I know what you meant. Why don’t you get some rest with the other men,” she said. “It would do you well.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Charlotte…”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I can make the supper myself,” she said. “It’ll be good for me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Benny hesitated. “If you need to be alone,” he said finally, “I’ll leave you be.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Thank you, Benny,” said Charlotte. “I wish there were more men like you in this world.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He left without another word._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________That night, the supper was delicious, but Charlotte was not in the mess hall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Instead, she stood alone in her quarters in front of a cracked mirror._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

She took her hair out of her long plait, unweaving it one strand at a time until it hung on her head thick and wavy, falling heavily over her eyes. With deliberate and unfeeling movement she pushed it back off of her forehead and tied it off with a ribbon. 

She stared at the stranger in the mirror. “OK,” she said. “If you insist.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> even the men whom you love and trust will disappoint you eventually.
> 
> happy earth day.


	11. Chapter 11

The evening melted in through the narrow window as Charlotte arranged a bouquet of daffodils on the dressing table, carefully considering the words she had rehearsed. “Leo?” she said. “I was thinking of making something nice for lunch tomorrow,” she said. “It would be splendid if you could join me.”

Leo didn’t look up from his book where he sat reading on his bed. “I already have plans for lunch tomorrow,” he said.

“Oh,” she said. “You seem to be awfully busy lately.”

“Quite,” said Leo.

“Do you think maybe, you could rearrange your schedule at all?”

“Why would I do that?” he said.

“Well,” said Charlotte, “because we’re married.”

Leo put down his book. “Oh,” he said. “We are, aren’t we.”

In the silence Charlotte counted 7 ticks of the clock above the fireplace.

Leo cleared his throat awkwardly. “If you feel that I have been neglecting my duties to you as a husband over these past few months, please understand that it was… not my intention, to—”

“Not at all!” said Charlotte. “Not at all, you’ve been very kind to me. I just feel as if… we ought not to be strangers.”

“Of course!” said Leo. “Of course. I would love to eat lunch with you tomorrow, Charlotte. I’ll see to it that we do.”

Charlotte nodded. She didn’t much feel like speaking.

\---

The next day she ventured forth from her chambers, as she rarely did of late, to prepare the lunch she had promised, only to discover that she had made a grave miscalculation.

It seemed today was Niles’s turn to mind the kitchens. He was scrubbing out pots from last night’s dinner, each one caked with the residue of a thick vegetable stew.

She considered waiting for him to leave, but he had already spotted her. After all, she had never had much grace.

“Good morning, milady,” he said. “Come here to mingle with the lowly commoners?”

Charlotte scowled. “I thought we were past this.”

“Well _you _are, certainly. No more doing dishes for _you, _little girl. Not like us common folk.”____

____“Stop it,” said Charlotte. “I put in my work, same as you.”_ _ _ _

____Niles set one of the pots on the rack to dry. “Oh, I don’t mean anything by it. Just a bit of fun. I don’t mind it, you know. This kind of work. It numbs the mind. It’s a good fit for a nobody like me.”_ _ _ _

____“You said that before, too,” said Charlotte. “That you’re nobody.”_ _ _ _

____“Did I?” said Niles. “Sounds an awful lot like something I would say.”_ _ _ _

____Suddenly, Charlotte realized that it was the first time they had been alone since that day in the grove. She summoned the courage she had felt on that day._ _ _ _

____“Doesn’t it bother you?” said Charlotte._ _ _ _

“What, the onions?” said Niles, not looking up from the pot he was scrubbing. “It’d take more than a few old vegetables to make _me _cry.”__

____

____

“No, not that,” she said. “I mean…” she lowered her voice. “Don’t _I _bother you?”__

____

____

“How so?” said Niles. 

“You know what I mean,” said Charlotte. “Say what you will, but I have a hard time believing your resentment of me has nothing to do with jealousy.” 

“Who said I resent you?” said Niles. “If anything, I don’t treat you any differently than I would treat any other woman.” 

“Oh?” said Charlotte. “If your reputation is anything to go by, I’d say that’s a rather poor excuse. How is it you usually treat women, then?” 

“Why don’t you ask Lady Azura,” said Niles. “You two seem to be _awfully _chummy lately.”__

____

____

__________“That’s neither here nor there,” said Charlotte, heat rising in her face. “Don’t think you can intimidate me like I’m some trembling wallflower.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I wouldn’t dream of it,” said Niles, hanging up another pot on the rack. “I know you’re no shrinking violet. Not that that old shtick of yours ever fooled me for a minute. You and I are not so different, you know.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Don’t insult me,” said Charlotte. Niles ignored her comment, and continued._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“I know you’re an intelligent woman, Charlotte, even if you don’t want me to know it,” he said. “Smart people always put their own interests first. I, in turn, am determined to put Leo’s interests first. Nothing more to it than that.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Charlotte snorted. “If you're putting someone before yourself," she said, "wouldn't that mean, by your own logic, that you're a fool?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“If I knew what was good for me,” he said, “do you think I would be where I am?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Charlotte said nothing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Don’t think of me as an obstacle,” Niles said. “I don’t intend to get in the way of whatever happiness you’ve envisioned for yourself. I’m just… a man protecting his investment. Surely you can understand that much. You have a head for that sort of thing, don’t you? I hear you’ve been taking good care of the castle finances. Leo saw you had an aptitude for it and put you to work, didn’t he? He’s a pragmatic fellow.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“Pragmatic?” muttered Charlotte. “I suppose that’s _one _word for it.”__

Niles snickered. “I can think of quite a few _more _choice words for it, if you’re interested.” He put the last pot on the rack and dried off his hands on an old rag. “But for now, for both our sakes, I think I’d better be going,” he said, breezing past her toward the kitchen door.__

______________“Niles,” she said, “before you go. Can I ask you something?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

“What is it _now,” _he said, lingering just short of the doorway.__

________________Charlotte hesitated. It was strange, to have the opportunity to speak her mind, and yet she felt she still ought not to. “Just what the hell do you see in him?” she said finally._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________To her surprise, Niles didn’t shoot back with an acrid retort but rather smiled in a way that was devoid of any happiness. “Everything,” he said, and turned away as to let the door shut behind him, leaving her standing no more alone than she had been when she’d found him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> niles is so pathetic and full of self hatred and he fills me with despair


	12. Chapter 12

On the first morning of her new life Charlotte entered the mess hall for breakfast and was greeted by the sound of the clamor dissipating into a moment of whispered silence. It lasted only for the breadth of a heartbeat or two.

She had made sure to arrive fashionably late, when typically she got up early to beat the line. She needed to make a big impression, after all. It was time to put on a show.

She accepted her bowl with a warm smile and polite words, even though the gruel was crusty and cold, she remained a perfect vision of grace and poise. A butterfly emerging from a prickly and unruly chrysalis.

Then, as if it was any other day, she took a seat across from Benny and began to eat.

“Good morning, Charlotte,” said Benny.

“Don’t talk to me,” she said. “I’m eating.”

“Is everything alright, Charlotte?” he said. 

“I’m fine,” she said. 

“Are you sure?” he said. “You don’t seem like… yourself.”

“I am myself,” she said. “The new myself. Everything is going to be better now.”

“What are you wearing?” he said. “What did you do with your armor?”

“I don’t need it,” she said. “I never did.”

"And your hair?" he said.

"I wanted to try something new," she said.

“Listen,” he said. “If this has anything to do with what I said to you yesterday, I want you to know that—”

Charlotte snorted. “I’m not doing this for you,” she said. “It’s just time to grow up, is all. Face the real world. You could stand to do the same.”

“But this isn’t you,” he said.

“It is _now,” _she said. “Now no more about this. I can’t let anybody see me arguing, they might think I’m being contentious.”__

“We have to talk about it _sometime,” _said Benny. “You can’t just. Start yourself over, from the beginning.”__

____

____

____“Yes I can,” she said. “And even if I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be up to you to tell me so.”_ _ _ _

____Benny sighed. “If this is what you want,” he said, “then I guess I'll leave you to it.”_ _ _ _

____“I never do anything that I don’t want to do, Benny dear,” she said. “Now more than ever.”_ _ _ _

____\---_ _ _ _

____It all went splendidly. Everyone seemed more than willing to accept the illusion. Men were awfully stupid, after all. Most of them would prefer to look past the lie in order to accept the word of a pretty girl stroking his ego._ _ _ _

____The captain, in particular, seemed much impressed by Charlotte’s transformation. So much so, that he put in a good word for her on behalf of the castle guards._ _ _ _

____“Always on the lookout for a pretty face,” is what he said. "Every once in a while an ugly duckling becomes a swan."_ _ _ _

____“Oh, stop,” is what she said. “You’ll make me blush.”_ _ _ _

____While she spoke to him, she held her fist clenched behind her back, silently cracking the knuckles of her pinkie finger with her thumb._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for a shorter than average chapter - i didn't wanna pad it out longer than it needs to be


	13. Chapter 13

Charlotte absently swung the picnic basket back and forth as she walked. She was on her way to meet her husband for a scenic lunch in the gardens. And yet, for one reason or another, she found herself straying from the path to her destination, toward a grove of black dead trees on the edge of the castle grounds.

“Hello, Charlotte,” said Azura.

“Azura!” said Charlotte. “Fancy meeting you here.”

“I’m the only one who’s ever here,” said Azura.

“Oh,” said Charlotte. “I guess that’s true. But, I was in the area, you see, on my way to the gardens. You know the ones. On the… other side of the grounds.”

“Did you want to talk to me, Charlotte?” said Azura, with a smile that was most subtly coy. “You can tell the truth.”

Charlotte sighed. “That’s one of the reasons I like you so much,” she said. “You’re so good at understanding people’s feelings.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” said Azura, brushing her hair behind her ear. “I just listen, is all. It’s nothing at all so impressive.”

“I think it is,” said Charlotte. “Impressive, I mean. Though, I don’t want you to feel as if I’ve put you on the spot. I’m just, saying what I think. You’re very easy to talk to, you know. Except, not so much now. But that’s my fault, I suppose. I’m being awkward, and I’m babbling.”

Azura giggled.

Charlotte blushed.

“It’s alright,” said Azura. “I like talking to you too, I hope you know. I like you this way. Very straightforward. You’re like a breath of fresh air.”

“I’m glad,” said Charlotte. “I knew you would understand what I was trying to say. You’ve never been a judgmental sort.”

“Is there something else you want to say to me, Charlotte?” said Azura. “You don’t seem like yourself. More so, than the usual way.”

Charlotte bit her lip. “Actually,” she said. “There’s a reason I asked Leo to have lunch with me today.”

“Oh?” said Azura.

“You see,” said Charlotte, “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh,” said Azura.

“We’ve been trying for a while, and now it’s finally over. Then again, it’s supposed to be something joyous, isn’t it? To have a child. Usually, anyway. But to me, it just feels like a relief. Something that’s finally out of the way.”

“I’m sorry,” said Azura. “I don’t know what to say. I guess it’s a rather unusual situation.”

“Unusual, to say the least! Oh, Azura, it was a farce. He kept telling me he wanted to do it ‘the right way,’ but he didn’t even want to touch me! He just wants so badly to pretend that everything is normal, and that we’re happy, but he hardly even speaks to me, I might as well be a piece of furniture. We sleep in separate beds, and it might as well be separate rooms. Separate buildings. And Niles! Niles is worse, he wants to pretend he doesn’t hate me, at least no more than he hates everyone else, and that he doesn’t hate himself, and the thought of putting up with this for the rest of my life makes me want to scream! None of us are happy but it’s all our own fault. We did this to ourselves.”

Charlotte paused. 

Azura was silent.

“It doesn’t seem right,” said Charlotte, “for a husband and wife not to cherish their intimacy. I always dreamed about being married, but… as for _that,_ I never… Well, in any case, it was an ordeal for the both of us, I can only hope that having a child means we’ll never have to do it again. ‘We have to do it _the right way,_ the right way!’ That’s all he kept saying. Did I mention that? I think I did. Gods, he was a mess. The first time we tried, he almost wept, it was awful. I had to console him like he was a child! Can you imagine?" She laughed bitterly.

"The truth is," Charlotte continued, "I think I was almost as afraid as he was. I never thought of… _that, _as something to be enjoyed. I guess, the way people talk about it, it’s something that women do to please men. It all just seems so…”__

____

__“Degrading?” said Azura._ _

____

__Charlotte looked away. “Yeah,” she said. “The truth is, I think I hate men. I can’t stand them. The way they look at me, and the things they want to do to me, it terrifies me!”_ _

____

__Charlotte didn’t realize she had been crying until Azura wiped away her tears. “Me, too,” said Azura._ _

____

__“Huh?” said Charlotte._ _

____

__“I hate men, too. All my life, they’ve only hurt me. They made me this way.”_ _

____

__“What way?” said Charlotte. “You’re perfect the way you are, don’t you know that? Haven’t I told you so, a thousand times?”_ _

____

__“Sometimes,” said Azura, “being perfect isn’t enough.”_ _

____

__Charlotte broke away from Azura’s touch._ _

____

__“I’m sorry for ranting at you,” said Charlotte. “For putting this burden on you.”_ _

____

“Charlotte…” said Azura. “Charlotte, please, it’s not a burden to me. It pains me, that you’ve been suffering so. I wish there was… something, anything I could do, but… I feel so helpless.” Azura looked down. “I guess _both_ of us are.” 

____

__“Thank you,” said Charlotte. “But I should be going now. My husband is expecting me.”_ _

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a tough one to write :'( 
> 
> but, on a Real World note, i'll be taking a brief one week hiatus, as next weekend, i will be at acen! you might even see me there, if you're lucky, lol
> 
> edit: also, as a post post script, this sort of represents a significant turn in the story. an end of part one, if you will. things are about to shake up.


	14. Chapter 14

_Azura. When you grow up, you’re going to marry a prince. Isn’t that wonderful?_

Not particularly.

_It’ll all make sense when you’re older._

I suppose I wouldn’t know.

_You don’t mind it, do you?_

Not at all.

_Don't ask so many questions._

Apologies.

_Don’t slouch around like an animal. Act like a lady. Hold your head high._

Forgive me.

_What are you apologizing for?_

I’m sorry.

_Out of my way, you silly girl._

Of course.

_That’s the one, isn’t she? The poor bastard._

So I’ve been told.

_Have you heard what they say?_

I don’t need to.

_More likely than not she’ll end up like that whore of a mother of hers._

Probably. 

_Just ignore her and she’ll go away._

You don’t even have to ask.

_You don’t belong here. You don’t belong anywhere._

I know.

_Get out of my sight._

I’m sorry.

_Don’t say you’re sorry._

I’m sorry.

_You are a prisoner now._

I have always been.

_This is your home now._

Alright.

_You can never go back._

If you say so.

_Don’t be so pushy. Don’t try so hard. You don’t belong here._

Alright. If you say so.

_Don’t say you’re sorry._

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

_Be as a vessel, emptied, and filled again. A silver pitcher upon a pedestal. Emptied, emptied, filled again, each time with different water, land shaped by a stream, silent and patient beneath eternity. A beautiful landscape trodden upon by any who should happen to pass. The earth belongs to all, and not to itself. Be as the water, Azura._

So be it.

_Never speak your heart, Azura, for by the truth you will perish. Hold your tongue unless you are fit to empty your song from yourself unto others. You are the vessel, Azura. You will carry them like water. You will carry them._

So be it. So be it. So be it.

_Thank you, Azura. I can always count on you._

I’m sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WENT THROUGH SO MANY DRAFTS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO AN AZURA BACKSTORY CHAPTER... because her backstory is p well established in canon i decided to go with something a little more abstract than a single straightforward linear flashback, lol 
> 
> anyway, hope u didn't miss me too much. been SOVin it up all week and i've tripped and fallen into the worst possible ship, which i will soon... create some content for...


	15. Chapter 15

The overpowering stench of manure grew stronger as Azura made her way toward the castle’s stables. She lifted her skirt as she stepped over a particularly nasty patch of mud, herself a glimmering beacon of billowing white in the sea of brown and grime. She pulled open the rough wooden door of the stables and peered down the rows of stalls.

“Niles?” she called.

“In here, milady,” said Niles. He was attending to Leo’s steed. Having filled the trough, he was brushing its mane to a fine luster. It looked well the part of a prince’s war horse, as dashing a stallion one could ever envision. It snorted in recognition when it saw her.

Azura drifted down past the rows of horse stalls until she stood before Niles. “I knew I’d find you here,” she said.

“Did you come all this way just to see little old me?” he said. “Why, milady, I’m flattered.”

Azura patted the horse on the nose. Her touch seemed to put it at ease. “There’s something important I need to speak to you about,” she said.

“Are you talking to me, or the horse?” said Niles.

“I’m not in the mood for jokes,” she said.

Niles sighed. “What have I done _this_ time, I wonder?” he said.

“I think you know,” said Azura. “You have been very unkind to Lady Charlotte.”

Niles rolled his eyes. “No more so than I am to anyone else,” he said.

“I don’t think that’s true,” said Azura. “You’ve never treated me that way.”

“Well,” said Niles. “That’s different.”

“How?” said Azura.

“You know!” said Niles. “Don’t make me say it.”

“Because you don’t want to hurt me more than I’ve already been hurt?” she said.

Niles paused briefly in his brushing, but resumed almost immediately. “Yes,” he said. “That’s why.” The horse seemed to notice something was amiss, and turned its head. Azura softly hushed, and it turned back toward her, allowing her to pat its nose once more.

“Lady Charlotte has suffered a great deal,” said Azura. “Will you not extend to her the same courtesy?”

“I swore my loyalty to her when she became Leo’s wife,” he said. “I serve her as a loyal vassal of her husband.”

“You don’t seem to be doing a very good job of it, from what I hear,” she said.

“Oh?” said Niles. “So am I to take it that you came to speak with me today because you are _admonishing_ me, milady?”

“No,” said Azura. “We both know I can’t do anything to stop you.”

“Not even _I_ can stop me, once I get started,” said Niles.

“Don’t you think you’re taking it a bit far?” said Azura. “She’s not exactly in the best of places at the moment.”

“You seem awfully interested in this girl’s welfare, suddenly,” said Niles.

“No more so than I am of anyone else's,” said Azura.

“Oh, don’t bother lying to me,” said Niles. “You should know by now it’ll do you no good.”

“What about you?” said Azura. “All this, over a little petty jealousy.”

Niles looked up with a glare, a flash in his eye even in the dim light of the stable. “I am _not_ jealous of that swollen dewy-eyed two-faced whore,” said Niles.

“Don’t bother lying to me,” said Azura. “You should know by now it’ll do you no good.”

Niles scowled at the ground. “Apologies,” he said. “I guess I did take that a little too far.”

“You usually do,” said Azura.

Niles smiled. “That’s why we’re friends, aren’t we? Because I can’t shock you. And you can’t placate me. An unhappy pair, the two of us.”

“You _could_ be happy, if you wanted to be.”

“Oh, not this again,” said Niles.

“If you told Leo you were unhappy living this way, he never would have done this,” she said. “You know that.”

Niles said nothing, but continued to stare at the ground so as to avoid her piercing gaze. 

“He really does love you, you know,” she said.

“I know that,” Niles snapped. “Better than you do.”

“Then you should know that your happiness is important to him,” she said. “And yet it doesn’t seem to be important to you.”

“Don’t patronize me,” he said. “We both know it’s not that simple. As if I could just _choose_ what it is I feel. As if either of us could. Isn't that what got us into this mess? Don't you think if Leo could choose not to love me, he would stop?"

"Is that really what you think?" said Azura.

"What does it matter?" he said. "Why don’t you mind your own business for once? Why don’t _you_ go be happy, no one’s stopping you. Just do it somewhere else. I have work to do.”

“I would do anything to have what you have,” she said. “You two had a chance to taste what most people can’t hope for in a hundred lifetimes. And you’re throwing it all away. For what?”

Niles finally raised his head, smiling without joy. “It’s never been about whether what I want,” he said. “What have I ever done to deserve it, anyway?”

“You’re not a very nice man, it’s true," she said. "But everyone knows that. Nobody knows who I am.”

“Well,” said Niles. “That’s up to you, _milady.”_

“No,” she said. “It’s not.”

Azura was careful not to let the door slam behind her, so as not to disturb the horses.


	16. Chapter 16

It was rare that the nights in Nohr were so clear. The field of stars swept over the valley as fallen grain scattered in a field after harvest, trampled under foot by plowman and gleaned from the soil by the gnarled hands of widowed brides. In the still air one might almost think that you could hear them, their light fracturing down upon the earth with the delicate sound of crystal rain, brushing up against the barley like lace upon a cobweb, cutting into the flesh of the air like teeth of broken glass.

A gentle breeze was enough to dispel the illusion, as it rippled across a small hill upon which two figures stood, the both of them, almost not quite children any longer.

Almost.

“And that one?”

“That one is called the Priestess,” said Niles.

“They have different names for them in Hoshido,” said Azura.

“They have different names for them here, too,” he said. “Sometimes, with… sometimes Lord Leo will look at the stars with me, and tell me the names they have in his books, and I’ll tell him the names the people gave to them.”

“Do you and Leo look at the stars together often?” she said.

“I wouldn’t say _often,_ exactly,” he said, shifting his feet. “When we can manage it. Usually, though, on nights like these, I just come look at them by myself. I like the silence.”

“It comes of being alone,” she said. “I know you like being alone. You hate everyone, don’t you?”

“Mostly,” he said with a sly shrug. “With a few exceptions.”

“Like Leo?” she said.

He paused. “Yes,” he said.

“And me?” she said.

He paused again, though not so long as the first time. “Yes,” he said.

“Why me, then?” she said. “I’ve never done anything for you. Why don’t you hate me, same as everyone else?”

In the starlight she saw what well could have been a grimace or a smile. “Because you don’t belong here, either,” he said.

Azura thought that perhaps, to another sort of person, such a remark might have been construed as something rather insulting, especially shared to someone of so newly forged acquaintance, but with this pronouncement, a quiet permeable understanding laid its foundation upon the hill. Such was the melancholy power of mutual loneliness.

“I should say so,” said Azura, and turned her attention back to the stars.

After a minute or two more of unbroken silence, Azura spoke again. “What of Leo, then?”

“Parden?” said Niles.

“What of Leo, then?” she repeated. “What is it that draws you to him?”

Niles pointedly did not budge, staring firmly at the stars, and said, “He is my liege. It is my duty to serve him.”

“You don’t much seem the type to subscribe to servitude so easily,” she said.

“Don’t I?” said Niles, the white of his cocked eyebrow gleaming in the low light.

She pointed upwards. “You see that cluster, 4 hands above the horizon? In Hoshido, we call that one ‘The Lovers.’”

When Azura turned her head back to look at him, he was no longer looking at the sky, but rather, at his own hands.

“You’re quick on the uptake, huh?” he said. “You’ve been here for what? Two weeks?”

“I had my suspicions from the beginning,” she said. “Although, I couldn’t confirm them until now.”

Niles laughed. “What gave it away?” he said.

“Nothing,” she said. “I know what love looks like. It’s impossible to hide, if you know how to see. But most people are blind, aren’t they?”

“Funny thing to say to a man half blind himself,” he said. “What is it they say? In the land of the blind, the man with one eye is king?”

“Or prince, at the very least, it seems,” she said.

“How do you mean?” he said.

“You know,” she said. “You may be a bit rough around the edges, but you make Leo happy enough, and I’m sure you’ll make a fine brother-in-law someday.”

The smile fled his face as if it had been flushed from a drain. “Oh, no,” he said. “I could never.”

“Ah, I know how it is with men,” she said with a solemn nod. “No offense, mind you. Fear of commitment, is it?”

“Not at all,” said Niles. “I would gladly give my life for him, and would that it were worth more to this world that such a sacrifice would do him honor.”

Azura furrowed her brow. “I don’t understand,” she said. “Oughtn’t you marry him, if you love him?”

Niles pressed the heels of his palms into the hollows of his eyes and laughed. “You’re something else entirely, milady,” he said.

“You’re not angry, are you?” she said. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Really, I ought to have said nothing. I’m sorry.”

“No!” he said, ripping his hands away from his face. “No, I’m glad that I spoke to you. If it could ever be true, I might be proud to call you my sister. I never had any, you know, but you somehow seem to be part of a family I almost could have really had. It fills me up to my heart, that you would say that you could see the love I have for him as if it were plain as a board or a handsaw on a workbench, as if only I could proclaim it at every chance, I don’t think it could be more like something solid and heavy brought into the world, something that could blot out the sun if I but spoke the word and shroud every inch of the world in darkness, save for the ground upon which he stands. I’m so glad, that somehow I couldn’t stand to see you lonely, I couldn’t stand that there should be someone more miserable upon the earth than I am.”

“Is that why you approached me?” she said.

“Yes,” he said. “It’s strange. Strange that I should be talking like this to someone I don’t know, strange that I should tell the truth. I’ve always hated people for their selfish joy, for not suffering as I have, and yet, when someone worse off than me happened along, a terror came over me.” He was speaking more loudly than before. His voice echoed off the hillside into rivulets of noise.

“I feel like a madman!” he said. “You asked me what it was that draws me to him, didn't you? Somehow I feel I want to answer you, truthfully. So many people only see what they want to. Everyone thinks of him as a man without a heart, or else, as one with a cold fish in place of one, but never in my life have I met a man who treated me with more compassion. It's the analytical touch of equality, you see. And that I should speak so freely! I feel like the stars are going to fall to earth and burn me up, and I’ll be laughing all the while.” He seemed frantic, a man possessed. “I feel like a child, almost, but in a way, I always do. I’ve always felt the same, since as far back as I can remember. I’ve never felt any older.”

“That’s what comes of growing up fast, I suppose,” she said. He didn’t seem to hear her.

“Look at me!” he said, and thumped his fist against his chest hard enough, it seemed, to hurt. “I’m grown, aren’t I? I’m strong. I’ve killed more men than I can count. Men and women both. If I wanted to, I could crush you with my bare hands, so easily.”

Azura firmly set the line of her teeth. “You will cease that manner of speaking at once,” she said.

Niles staggered backwards, broken from his reverie, such as it could be called. “Gods,” he said, pressing his palm to his forehead, brushing away the hair that had fallen over his eye, panting as if he had just run a long way. “Forgive me, milady. Please, I didn’t mean it, you must know I didn’t mean it.”

“I never believed that you meant it,” she said, “but you said it, all the same.”

“I did, didn’t I,” he said. “I say an awful lot, most days.” He sighed. “It was a mistake, talking to you, I imagine. I’ve ruined it again.” 

“I don’t think it was a mistake,” said Azura. “Somehow, I truly am grateful for your company, such as it is.”

“No need to lie for my sake, milady,” he said.

“I have no reason to lie,” she said. “I am thinking something very strange, Niles, and it is that if you had been a different man, speaking that way to me, as men have before, I would have stood in silence. But you, somehow, I knew would heed me if I spoke.”

“Oh?” he said. “And what’s so special about me, I wonder?”

“You know what it is to be helpless,” she said. “You truly know what fear is, as do so few men of this age. So as you say, in that respect, you are something of a brother to me, of kinship to my suffering.”

She could see the shape of the gleam of his eye widen in the starlight. “Oh,” was all he said. In a moment or two, his shock melted back into something sad and far away, and he said, “I must be truly mad, to want to have a friend.”

“I don’t know yet, whether or not we’re friends,” she said. “You’re awfully cruel, even when you try not to be. For a long while, you frightened me terribly, because I couldn’t divine what it was you wanted of me. It is, to me, unusual that someone wishes nothing of me but my company. So perhaps it’s not a madness at all, then. You just wanted to be nice.”

“That doesn’t sound like me at all,” he said.

“It _might_ be,” she said. “I don’t really know you all so well. All I know is what people say of you.” She looked up at the stars. “And I ought to have known that what people say is dripping with untruth. People will think as they will.”

“People only think what I _want_ them to think,” said Niles flatly. “Nothing more.”

“If that is what you want,” she said.

They said no more, but merely basked in the sinking transient glow of the starlight, the silence crackling in their ears like melting sugar candy. After all, it was seldom indeed, that the nights in Nohr were quite so clear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why is he Like That.


	17. Chapter 17

Niles studied Leo’s face as it crinkled in concentration while he poured over a large book spread out on the table. He had drifted into the library after he had finished his morning chores, sitting in comfortable silence without acknowledgement, happy for the company. It was late in the morning, and the light poured in between the rows, spreading over the table like a stain blotted up by a tablecloth more and more with every tick of the clock. A lonely housefly filled his ears with a nagging hum.

Unprompted, it seemed, Leo looked up in bewilderment, as if torn away from a dream, eyes bleary in the creeping light. “What time is it?” he said.

“Almost noon,” said Niles. “But not quite. You’ve got time.”

“Do you suppose I ought to arrive early?” said Leo.

Niles shook his head. “Poor form, for a lady, I think. Arrive on time so as to give her the opportunity to be fashionably late.”

“Do you think so?” said Leo. “I suppose it depends on the woman, doesn’t it?”

Niles shrugged. “What sort of woman is she, then? Oughtn’t you know? She’s your wife, not mine.” He bit back on the note of bitterness that crept up his tongue, but Leo never had the grace prerequisite for noticing. The buzzing of the housefly floated over the gap in the conversation, though it declined to allow itself to be seen.

“She is,” said Leo. “Strange, to think of it. To think that I’m a man, fully grown now, and with a wife. I thought once it was all in place, the correct way of doing things would all be so natural.”

 _Is that what makes a man?_ thought Niles. _A woman, and a wife? Aren’t I a man at all, then?_ But that is not what he said. What he said was, “If that’s what you’re after, it’s no use in asking me. I’ve never been one for doing things in the correct way.”

Leo smiled with tired fondness. “You have more sense than you know,” he said. He idly toyed with a folded down corner of the book. “All those years we wasted in fear and doubt, never daring to speak the truth of our hearts. And you, you’re the fool who thought you didn’t deserve me.”

“I still don’t deserve you,” said Niles. He pressed Leo’s hand in his own, and Leo glanced warily about the library rows for any trespassers before pressing his hand in turn.

Niles tried not to let himself feel the sting. “Shh,” he said. “It’s just us here, same as always.”

“I know,” said Leo. “I was just making sure.” The housefly buzzed on unseen. Niles thought that he would very much like to smash it.

“I spoke to her today,” said Niles, though he instantly regretted it. He ought not to have broached the subject at all. “I think things are doing well.”

“I don’t think I would know, even if they weren’t,” said Leo. “There’s a terrible thought, stuck in me deep, almost like it was the barb on the end of a fish hook, even since before this all began. I feel as though… no, I don’t even want to say it.”

“You can say it,” said Niles.

“I won’t,” said Leo. “It’d make you hate me.”

“I could never hate you,” said Niles.

“I know,” said Leo. “It’s almost not even fair, is it?”

“I won’t know what you mean unless you tell me,” said Niles. “But if you don’t want to, I swear I’ll never breathe a word of it again.”

Leo’s voice trembled when next he spoke. “Niles,” he said. “I know you promised me that you would do anything for my sake. I would never ask more of you than you were willing to give. You know that, don’t you?”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Niles. “There is nothing I would not give.”

Leo looked as though he was in pain. How could such a thing as a proclamation of love have hurt him so?

“Niles,” said Leo. “You know you can tell me anything, don’t you?” He gave his hand a squeeze, as if to draw comfort.

“I would never keep any secrets from you,” said Niles -- except, of course, that he did.

Leo turned his head away. “I had hoped,” he said, “after I had… been with her, I might have fallen in love with her. I had hoped I could have learned, somehow. It was a wish that festered on my skin like blood clotted over an old wound, but I wouldn’t speak it to myself, even in the quiet of my own mind. But… it didn’t happen. I couldn’t change. And I don’t even know that I’m glad, that it didn’t.”

He turned his head back to Niles. “Well?” he said. “Do you hate me?”

Niles embraced him. “No,” he said. “I don’t.”

Leo laughed against Niles’s shoulder, but it came out more like a choke. “It’s a fine mess I’ve gotten myself into,” he said. “Gotten the _both_ of us into.”

Niles grit his teeth. “Don’t worry about me,” he said. “My first priority is always you.”

“Will you kiss me?” said Leo. Niles felt Leo’s grip on the back of his shirt tighten. “Please. Please, kiss me, and tell me that you’ll always love me.”

Niles did, as he would so seldom do for anyone else, exactly as he was told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya know i am prepared to own that i've lost track of the timeline of events here and it may or may not make sense but i can't go back and change anything now cause how i been writing this story. mistakes were made. 
> 
> also i'm uploading this shit from my shitty phone's hotspot cause i'm at my grandma's house in michigan and she has no wifi, greetings from the st. joseph river basin


	18. Chapter 18

He was 14 or so. Perhaps, older, or even still younger, he could not have known. But “14 or so,” as it will happen, is a dreadful state in which to be, even when one knows for certain the precise measurement of one’s miserable pattering of “or so’s.”

The young prince on the other side of the card table, for his part, (though he was also 14) did not abide by or so’s, but rather, had an instinct for precision rivaled by the stern old grandfather clock in the library, or even the stern old clockmaker who had built it, and who was just as tightly wound, as if to go about one’s business in an orderly fashion was enough to consider oneself to be an artisan, a true craftsman of nothing and everything in particular. It was a drive toward the perfectly methodical that bordered on compulsion.

It was this compulsion that was throwing Lord Leo into agony, because months after teaching his new retainer to play chess, and the subsequent countless victories, and then, the eventual handful of draws here and there, and then even more eventually a few losses, and then even _more_ than a few losses, he found that he, today, was losing rather badly.

Say, perhaps the impossible, had Lord Leo been sitting in Niles’s place, across from himself, he would not have seen that he gnawed like a rodent at his impeccably manicured fingernails, or that there was sweat beaded heavy on his skin as if he was a sun-battered plow horse, or that, beneath the table, he was tapping his foot like an anxious brown hare. He would not have seen himself, as he did not see Niles, who was observing him closely and with nervousness percolating with increasing urgency, though he remained almost unnoticed by the object of his concern. 

“Milord?” he said. “Excuse me for my interruption, but please sir, is there something troubling you?” The formality of address still tasted strange in Niles’s mouth, like the feeling of emptiness that lingers behind where an old tooth is displaced by the inexorable march of adolescence. 

“I’m just thinking,” said Lord Leo, perhaps in a way that might have been described by Lady Camilla as “snappish.” To the good grace of them both, she was nowhere near.

Neither was anyone else.

They were alone.

As they so seldom were.

This realization washed over Niles like a wave of pink scented wind, first christening him in its light at the tip of his forehead then crashing inward to the center of his skull, until he breathed it out through his mouth in a steady sigh.

“You can take your time,” he said. “I’ve nowhere else to be.”

“I know that,” said Lord Leo. This time, Lady Camilla would perhaps have called this particular emote a “sulk.” It was something that the 14 or so’s are particularly adept at, as the poor things more often than not have more than enough reason to get in some hardy rounds of practice.

“I’m the one who gives you orders anyway,” said Lord Leo with a haughty sniff, though any effect it may have had was immediately ruined by the way he hastily added, “but of course, if you wanted to stop, we could do something else. We could play a game that _you_ like.”

“Playing?” said Niles. “I thought you said this was an intellectual exercise.”

Lord Leo squirmed a bit. “Well, yes,” he said. “It is, of course. But I find that it’s something, as a game, as a way of, you know, it’s very… I like it. Do you?” There was eagerness biting into his words.

“I do,” said Niles.

“Do you really?” said Lord Leo. “You don’t have to pretend to be having fun, you know. My feelings won’t be hurt.”

“Lord Leo,” said Niles, saluting with his arm across his chest. “The past few months I have spent with you have been the most profoundly blissful of my young life.”

A plume of red swiftly rose up Lord Leo’s neck and onto his cheeks, as if he were some great plucked chicken, though one that would, despite its size, surrender very little meat.

“Don’t say _that!”_ he clucked. “Not _that!”_

“Oh?” said Niles. “Then I rescind my statement. I do not enjoy your company, Lord Leo.”

“Don’t say that either!” said Lord Leo.

“Then tell me what it is you would _like_ me to say,” said Niles.

“That’s,” said Lord Leo, “that’s not what I want, and you know it.” The cockscomb flushed deeper, as Lord Leo realized he had committed a grave tactical error, and given too much away to his opponent.

Niles, armed with a wicked grin, rested his chin upon his hand, and said, “I think I could have had a lot of fun with you, if only I didn’t like you quite so much.”

“And what is _that_ supposed to mean?” said Lord Leo.

“I don’t think I know myself sometimes, what I mean,” said Niles.

“You’re talking nonsense now,” said Lord Leo. “You’re just trying to stall. Make your move, already.”

“It’s _your_ turn to move,” said Niles.

“Oh,” said Leo. “So it is.”

“Hate to be the bearer of bad news,” said Niles, “but I’ve got you just about whipped.”

“Stop teasing me!” said Lord Leo. “You know I can’t do that, in the same way. What you do.”

 _“What_ do I do?” said Niles.

“I don’t know what it is,” said Lord Leo. “I don’t know, but you do it, you and everyone else. And if I knew what it was, I would do it, too.”

The tension in Niles’s shoulders slackened. “I think I do know, what you mean,” he said.

“I knew you would,” said Lord Leo. “Though I don’t think _I_ would have, if I were you. But I’m supposed to be the smart one, you see. It’s unbecoming. Disgraceful, even.”

 _"You're_ not a disgrace, milord,” he said. "If you were, what would you need me for?"

“Which is why,” said Lord Leo, “I want you to tell me, what you think of me, and how you feel about me, completely honestly, always, whenever you think of it, because I won’t be able to tell otherwise.”

Niles inhaled sharply with a theatrical hiss. “That’s a tall order, Milord,” he said. “I didn’t know that was a prerequisite of pledging myself to your service, but of course, I’d do anything for—”

“No,” said Lord Leo. “It’s not a prerequisite to anything. I want you to _want_ to do it.”

Niles blinked. “Forgive me sir,” he said, “but. Why?”

“So that we can…” said Lord Leo. He turned his head downwards, pointedly staring at the board. “So that we can be… friends.”

Warmth curled up like smoke in the cavity of Niles’s chest so swiftly it felt like a scalding. “Is that why you saved me?” he said. _What a foolish thing to say!_

“I don’t know exactly, why I saved you,” said Lord Leo. “Everyone, you know, was shocked, that I had done something so selfless. They say that I'm cold, and sometimes even that I am cruel, though I never paid mind to it, until they were shocked to learn that they were wrong. But I don’t think it was selfless, really. I guess I just took a liking to you. I thought I would very much like to know you, because we had something strange and unspoken in common, that I saw in you when you begged me to kill you.” Lord Leo scraped away at the edge of the felt on top of the card table as he spoke. “I thought, I should very much like it if you had killed me first, and yet, by some chance I had come out the more favorably of the two. We very easily could have taken each other's place, and who would have cared? With you dead, or me dead, who would have wept. Everyone, when they saw you, they only saw a rat! Just like when they see me, they see… I don’t know. And I couldn’t say what it was I felt, without sounding like a madman! Do forgive me.”

Niles leaned back in his chair, closing his eye and kneading it with the heel of his palms so that Lord Leo would not see the way it had begun to water, threw back his head, and laughed. “So that’s it!” he said. “I’m almost disappointed that my salvation came of so mundane a thing. And here all this time I thought you couldn’t kill me because I was just too cute.” It was artfully delivered, as always. Passable as a joke.

The spots of flush rose once more up Lord Leo’s neck, all the way to his ears this time, so that he almost resembled a rather weak and inaccurate thermometer. “Well, I never said such a thing, one way or another,” he said.

Niles bit back on the spark of hope inspired by Lord Leo’s sidestep of the opportunity to embrace denial.

“I’ve never had a friend,” said Leo. 

“I don’t think I have, either,” said Niles.

For a moment, neither spoke. Lord Leo was gazing off to the side, as if lost in thought, but Niles could see that his eyes were locked into the present. He was so close, close enough to touch. Any part of him, so far away.

“But why would you want to be _my_ friend?” said Niles.

“Just because I want to,” said Lord Leo, reaching for his last white knight, finally making his move. “I make it my business to only do things that I _want_ to do.”

Niles’s eye flashed across the board. How could Lord Leo have made such a simple mistake? Niles could win the game now, in just 15 or 16 turns.

“That still doesn’t answer the question,” he said, pushing up a pawn for a sacrifice. “As to why. I’m no one special.”

“Did you know,” said Lord Leo, “sometimes I think, neither am I.” He easily saw through the feint of the sacrifice, moving his bishop so as to ensure his defenses remained perfectly in balance.

“You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met,” said Niles. “And I swear it.” He studied the board. The pawn from the phony sacrifice would be the key to achieving check down the line, and the graceful sidestep of Lord Leo’s bishop had opened the door, that in just over a dozen turns, the game could be his, with just a small move of his queen to the right, by then, surely, Lord Leo would see it. His horrible naïve mistake. Checkmate for red in 14 moves.

Lord Leo smiled. “I believe you,” he said. “I really do.”

“I swear, I swear, that I’ll never deceive you,” said Niles. His fingers didn’t even hesitate as they passed over the queen, back to the knight, and then, it was all over, he’d done it. Niles had found his victory.

“Checkmate,” said Leo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dw this story is still about CHARLOTTE. this is a contextual phase. thematic worldbuilding. 
> 
> also leo is autistic in case you couldn't tell


	19. Chapter 19

It was not by any accounts what one would call a clear day, but in Nohr, any sunshine was precious, even that which peaked out from behind an overcast afternoon. Many an idle soldier could be seen basking in the tranquility of the wide open castle gardens on days such as these - as in fact many were - while Charlotte tried not to watch them, sitting uncomfortably on her picnic blanket, pretending (to, she knew not whom) that her legs were not falling asleep. 

By the time kept on the sundial next to the pond, Charlotte estimated that she had been kept waiting for a little over an hour. She had laid the blanket beneath a tree, where the shade would have been on a sunnier day, but where, today, the grass was merely more noticeably damp. She dutifully shooed away the flies curiously courting the elegantly plated finger sandwiches, and the pitcher of lemonade melting away all of the ice, and even the strawberry and walnut salad Leo was sure not to touch.

He was somewhat immature in his taste, after all.

Leo arrived in the garden at precisely noon.

“I can see you’re already in place,” he said. “Did you get here early?”

“You could say that,” she said.

“I haven’t kept you waiting long, I hope?” he said.

Charlotte cracked the knuckle of her pinkie finger behind her back. “Not at all,” she said.

Leo cleared his throat, and sat on the blanket beside her, his narrow shoulders square with his back, stiff as ice. He looked as if he was holding audience with his father rather than having a picnic with his wife.

Charlotte poured him a glass of lemonade.

“Are you thirsty, dear?” she said, loud enough that the other patrons of the public gardens would be sure to hear her generosity.

“Thank you,” he said, accepting with a hand that was just as sweaty and clammy as the surface of the glass. He took a single sip. “Delicious,” he said.

Out of the corner of her eye, Charlotte watched a couple pass them by on the garden path. They were speaking in quiet voices. She did not know their names.

She wondered if they were happy.

“Leo,” she said. “There’s something very important I wanted to tell you today.”

Oh, she’d done it now. She’d planned on easing into the conversation – but she’d been waiting long enough, and her patience was wearing thin. Somehow she felt that if she had to spend even a minute longer than she had to with this man, she would scream.

He took another sip of lemonade. “Yes?” he said.

“It’s very happy news,” she said. “Joyful, even, most would say. I think that… well, I’m sure of it, actually, that I’m going to have a child.”

Leo’s expression hardly changed. Charlotte detected a note of pleasant surprise, as if she had told him that she’d found a lost sock in the wash. “Oh,” he said. “That’s splendid.”

“Yes,” she said. “After all, we’ve been trying for months now, haven’t we?”

Leo looked away. “Glad that the whole business will be done with, then,” he said. “I must say, it’s a relief.”

Charlotte hesitated. “I guess so,” she said.

“Thank you, then, for telling me,” he said, handing her his almost full glass of lemonade. He rose to his feet, dusting himself off. “And thank you for lunch, as well.”

“Are you leaving?” said Charlotte. “You haven’t even had anything to eat.”

“Apologies,” he said absently. “I’m further behind in my schedule than I thought.”

“But you were an hour late,” she said, before she could stop herself.

“Was I?” he said. “But I thought… wasn’t it noon?”

“It was 11,” she said. “You said you wanted to leave your afternoon free.”

“Oh,” said Leo. “I must have forgotten.”

Charlotte cracked the knuckle of her ring finger behind her back. “Yes,” she said. “You must have.”

He sighed. “Forgive me,” he said. “I must confess I’m rather shaken. Strange! This is what we’ve been hoping for, it’s not unexpected, and yet… I need some time alone now, to think. I don’t want to leave you in a lurch like this, but this… This is difficult for me, you understand.”

“For _you?”_ she said. “Oh, yes I’m sure, it must be very difficult, for _you.”_

But he didn’t seem to notice the venom in her tone. He left her there in the garden, without another word.

When he was out of sight, she hurled the lemonade glass at the tree.

It shattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not to leave Y'ALL in a lurch too but i'm goin a road trip or something? maybe to texas? hazy on the deets, idrk
> 
> hennyway wherever the hell it is, i gotta one way ticket back to HIATUS TOWN so i'll catch ya on the flip in a few weeks


	20. Chapter 20

So it happened that in the land of Hoshido lived a proud band of warriors, who for five generations lived and died, as warriors do. Their steel was cold and their bonds were deep, and they flourished in times of peace and conflict. Of this band were born two brothers, one older, one younger. They lived side by side in peace and conflict as do the night and the day. 

But as do night and day, even two halves of one whole cannot be reconciled. It came to be that when one’s heart was troubled by the other, each brother would seek the counsel of a princess of that land of Hoshido, renowned for her graceful heart and wisdom. To her, in mystery and in esteem, would they go. To each of them she spoke. The elder’s heart she would ease with words of duty and discipline. It was right and just that his brother should do as he was bid. Do not seek to compromise, she bid him. The younger’s heart she would ease with words of kindness and patience. It was right and just that his brother should adhere to the spirit of his service, if not the letter. Seek to compromise, she bid him. 

So it was that by their own hearts each brother took his separate path, and no longer stood as do the night and the day.

Thus it came at that time that a war should be made upon the land. The princess did as she did best: what she was told. Many times over she would have fought and died for any who bid her, friend and foe as nothing more but words. Loyalty was as foreign a thing as any place to a young girl with no place to go home to at night, and no mother to sing her to her sleep. Why then should it be a sin to betray? Choices, after all, were things that belonged to men.

It was the way of things that men should make war and women should suffer for it. It could not even be called a cruelty of the world. Was it cruelty that a wolf should devour a newborn fawn? Ignoble, somehow, to do only as one must?

If to be awash in a great stormy sea was to be one’s fate, then the true cruelty was to dare hope for sight of the shore. Let men do as they must. It was enough to be alive, and to be seen, that one might exist.

For if there is no one around to hear a song, what reason is there for it to be sung?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> long time no see... 
> 
> sorry to jump out of a hiatus with somethin so short, but i been having computer problems like a motherfucker, not to mention endless worries about maintaining quality of my regular updates. if from here on i should delay my weekly schedule don't be alarmed, i've not gone anywhere and i've not given up, but i'm determined to make this story as good as it can be, without getting lazy or cutting corners. we're in the home stretch here! thank you to everybody who's stuck with me for so long... there's more to come in days ahead.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S LOONEY TUNES BACK IN ACTION...   
> sorry for droppin off the earth but i been focusing on my job hunt but i promised myself i'd get back in here after i got an interview... i should hear back on the job before the week is up. i even burned a whole victory candle under a waxing moon and everything so i better get it. should you be so inclined i implore that you should also appeal to your god on my behalf, if you will. please and thank you.

“Where is Azura?” demanded Charlotte.

“Milady?” said Felicia. “Is something the matter?”

“Where is Azura?” she repeated.

“Well,” stuttered Felicia, “last I saw her, she was headed toward the library, but I don’t—“

Charlotte raced onward, not bothering to thank her, or even to turn back when Felicia called out a pitiful “Good luck!” at her back.

As promised, she found Azura in the library, tracing the pattern of a tapestry on the wall with the tips of her fingernails, smooth and polished and clear as a glassy lake.

Charlotte was panting, out of breath despite being in excellent physical condition, as she had sprinted up the stairs. “What are you doing _here?” _she said.__

____

____

“I’m waiting for Leo,” said Azura.

“Whatever for?” said Charlotte.

“I have a feeling he’s going to want to speak to me,” said Azura.

“Forget _him,” _said Charlotte. “I need to talk to you first.”__

____

____

Azura sighed. “I was afraid that you would,” she said, softly enough that Charlotte did not hear.

“I’ve realized now that I’ve made a terrible mistake,” said Charlotte, “with this whole business, of marrying a fairy tale prince. But there’s no reason now, to continue to suffer as I have, and you showed me that, with your companionship. I owe you so much.”

Charlotte ardently clasped her hands around Azura’s. Azura did not resist, but turned her head away.

“I need to find Leo,” said Azura. “It’s imperative.”

“What I have to say is imperative, too,” said Charlotte. “I need to tell you the truth, about how I feel about you. For these past few months, every time I’m with you, I—”

“Charlotte, please,” said Azura, drawing her hands away, slipping through Charlotte’s fingers as easily as water through a sieve. “Please don’t.”

At these words Charlotte felt as a bird plucked from the air by the cruel shaft of an arrow.

“Azura,” she said. “Azura, can you know?”

“Yes,” said Azura. “I have known for some time now. I know that you love me, and the thought of it is agony to me.”

Charlotte staggered backwards as if she had been struck. “Agony?” she repeated. “Do I truly disgust you so?”

Azura shook her head. “It is I who am disgusting,” she said. “I who does not deserve your love.”

“Is that all?” said Charlotte. “Then you _do _love me!”__

____

____

Azura turned her head back toward Charlotte, and Charlotte could she her eyes glisten with tears in the lamplight. “No,” she said. “I don’t think that I do. I don’t think that I can love anyone. Not even myself.”

“What are you talking about?” said Charlotte. “Where is this coming from? You’ve been by my side through everything, you comforted me in all my time of loneliness and despair! What is that, if not love?”

“A pantomime,” said Azura. “An act upon a stage.”

“You can’t tell me you didn’t mean it,” said Charlotte. “I won’t believe you.”

“Then maybe you’ll believe this,” said Azura. “What have I told you of my time in Hoshido?”

Charlotte hesitated. “I don’t think you mentioned it.”

“Of course I didn’t,” said Azura. “I suppose, it’s understandable, given the circumstances, that I would not wish to speak of it. Is that what you thought?”

Yes,” said Charlotte. “I suppose I did.”

“How much do you know about me?” said Azura. “How much have I told you about myself? What sort of person am I, Charlotte? Do you know?”

“You’re lovely!” said Charlotte. “You’re so kind to me, always!”

Azura shook her head. “That’s not me,” she said. “There _is _no me.”__

____

____

“You’re talking nonsense!” said Charlotte. “What’s gotten into you? Are you ill?”

“When I was in Hoshido, there were two brothers of a warrior clan, shining bright like the sun and the moon, and they would have died for each other. When they came to me for advice I steered them apart. I drove them to make choices that I could not, in my jealousy and my rage, and they will never be reconciled. Do you understand now?”

“No!” said Charlotte. “You’re not making any sense! What has come over you?”

“What has come over me?” said Azura thoughtfully. “I suppose the curtain has fallen. I suppose there shall be an innocent cast into this comedy now, a child I have cursed before its birth. Is that a sufficient answer?”

Charlotte could not even speak.

Azura continued. “I couldn’t bear it, to be shut up in a bower as a trophy of war, forever without a homeland, with no more identity than an exotic bird that will die if it flies its cage and ventures out into the winter cold. To be born imprisoned and never see the sun. But I didn’t want to escape it, as I knew I could not. So instead, I sought a companion for my misery. To not be alone in my cage. Do you understand now?”

Charlotte shook her head.

“Do you really think Leo could ever make a decision on his own?”

To Charlotte it came with the abruptness of a mirror cracking across its face in a gust of frozen air, though she did not know precisely yet what it was.

“I did it so splendidly,” said Azura. “Together we spoke of our father and the shamelessness of his immodesty, and I praised him for his example shining above that of he who came before. When we spoke of some celebrated master of some dead art over tea I expounded upon the importance of tradition to scholarly pursuits or to cultural preservation of the art of our nation, as otherwise, you see, what would he care for such things? Or, other times perhaps I spoke of the business of providing heirs. The stability of a kingdom depends on such things, of course. Not that he need worry about it. He is only the _youngest _prince, after all. I knew precisely how to let his pride be wounded by my praise. I knew exactly how to draw out the shame that was already deep within his heart. And so I did it, that he would take a wife, and so that she would be as miserable as I.”__

____

____

It was as a mirror shattered upon a wall crashes to the floor that she understood, at long last. “You,” said Charlotte. “It can’t be.”

“It is,” said Azura. “It could have been anyone. But it was you. And by the gods, I wish it hadn’t been.” Azura wiped the tears from her eyes and floated past the dumbstruck Charlotte, into the stairwell.

“I must away,” she said. “I should speak with your Lord Husband.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPKYzTyYkkk


	22. Chapter 22

“Your buttons are done up all wrong,” said Azura. “Here, let me do them.”

“I’m not a child,” said Leo, though he held still and obedient as she undid the fine silver buttons of his waistcoat one by one.

“It’s your wedding day,” said Azura. “You’ve made it this far, haven’t you? Today is a day of happiness and celebration. You wouldn’t want to spend such an important event in as slovenly a state as this, now would you?”

Leo answered not with words but with a prim annoyed, “Hmph.”

On the tail of his haughty dismissal, Azura took a different tack. “You wouldn’t want Camilla to see them in such a jumble, now would you?” she said. Leo inhaled sharply, as if he had been stuck with a pin. Azura smiled at the ground. Leo did not see.

“Besides,” she said, “you’ll always be my darling baby brother, to me.” She straightened the seams of the waistcoat so that they were properly aligned, as would a mother for her child. “To all of us.”

Leo grimaced. Azura pretended not to notice, pointedly keeping her head lowered in line with the buttons on his waistcoat. It was spun of fine silk, and dyed soft lavender.

“You look very handsome today,” she said. “I can scarcely believe you’re really getting married.”

“What do you mean by that?” said Leo.

“Nothing,” she said. “Only that it’s exciting.”

“But what do you mean, that you thought I would never get married?” he said.

“Now what is this?” she said. “Is it any sort of manners to be so prickly on the day of your own wedding?”

“I’m not being prickly!” he said. “You just seem as if you’re unsure!”

“I am but your humble sister, Leo,” she said, flattening the seams of the waistcoat once again as she resumed her work, dutifully doing up the buttons in the proper way, as if it were a frock too unwieldy and intricate to be done up by a lone pair of unworried hands, as if Leo was a fine court lady, and she, Azura, his chambermaid. “It’s not for me to be sure or not, or to make your choices for you.”

“But don’t you approve of it?” he said. “Didn’t you say, wasn’t it you, who said, this would be good for me? For the kingdom?”

“Of course!” said Azura, never daring to look up from the row of gleaming silver as her fingers traced nimbly over each button. It was simple. It was just a waistcoat. “Would I ever lead you astray?”

Leo calmed a bit at this. “I don’t see why you would,” he said. “You’ve always had my best interests at heart. And Niles says this is for the best, too.” Leo looked at his reflection in the mirror above his dressing table and smiled. “I’d do anything for him, you know.”

Azura paused with her thumb pressed against the cool metal of the final button. She pushed it through the purple silk and smiled at Leo’s reflection.

“True love is a wonderful thing,” she said. “You’re very lucky, not to be alone.”

With that, she embraced him. Without any notice, Leo was stiff and rigid, though in her persistence he softened in her arms, and let his face rest on the feather softness of her shoulder.

Suddenly, they separated, Azura nearly pushing him off of her, holding him at arm’s length like fresh linen to be shaken out for the laundry line. She smoothed her skirt with a brisk clap of fabric. “Now hold out your arms,” she said. “I need to straighten the hems of your cuffs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry.
> 
> i'm not dead.


	23. Chapter 23

She found him stacking firewood behind the kitchen, where Felicia said he would be. When the freshly cut logs had been stacked ready for the wood-burning stove he would take another log from the raw pile and begin again, to split them and then prepare them for the fire.

“Hello, Benny,” she said.

“Hello, Charlotte,” he said. “Long time no see.”

“Well,” she said. “You know what they say. It’s not right for a married woman to have male friends.”

“Do they say that?” he said. “Sorry.”

“Yes,” she said. “They say all sorts of awful things, you know.”

“Yes,” he said. “They do.”

Charlotte nudged a pebble deeper into the mud with her shoe. “You’re doing a fine job,” she said. “With the firewood.”

“They’re so uneven,” he said. “I’m not much good with an axe. That’s more your specialty.”

“I haven’t raised an axe in so long, it seems,” she said. “I wonder if I still know how.”

“It’s alright,” said Benny. “If you want to know, I don’t resent you. I only miss you.”

“Benny…”

Benny stacked a fresh raw log upon an old stump. “I wonder, sometimes, if I could change myself, the way you can, if I would be happier.”

She knit her brow, which she seldom did in front of men, because it made her look old. “But you’re perfect,” she said.

Benny smiled. “So are you.” He picked up the axe from where it had been resting against the old stump and handed it to her as if it were a scepter.

She evenly clove the log in half in a single blow.

The wooden handle of the axe seemed to swell with pride between her fingers as she smiled. “Thank you, Benny,” she said.

“Don’t mention it,” he said, as he picked up the firewood and stacked it with the rest.

“You know, Benny,” she said, setting the axe down back beside the stump, “there’s something important I need to tell you.”

“Are you in trouble?” said Benny.

“Well,” she said. “I might be.”

“Did he find out about you and Azura?” said Benny.

“What?” said Charlotte. “Find out what about us?”

“Aren’t the two of you lovers?” said Benny.

_Lovers?_ thought Charlotte. _No, of course not, who could think it, how could it be!_

____

____

_____ _

_____ _

Charlotte looked away. “I don’t know,” she said. “I don’t know what we might have been. But I don’t think we’re anything, anymore.”

“Oh,” said Benny. “I’m sorry.”

“I think I am, too,” said Charlotte. “It’s terribly confusing.”

Benny was silent.

“But that’s not why I wanted to talk to you,” she said. “The truth is, I’m going to have a child.”

“Charlotte!” said Benny. “Congratulations!”

“And one more thing,” she said. “Let me finish. I want… even though it won’t be official, I want you to be the godfather.”

“Oh, Charlotte!” Benny said. He was smiling. He clasped her hand in both of his own. “I’d be honored.”

Charlotte wiped tears from her eyes. “You know,” she said, “this is the first time I’ve felt like this child is going to be anything other than a formality and a name on a birth certificate. I want them to be part of my family, not part of… whatever else there is.”

“You _are _my family,” said Benny.__

__She embraced him. “Of course you are.”_ _

__Benny’s hugs had a rare and magical property of ending precisely when you wanted them to, and when this one broke, Charlotte was already fixing her running makeup in her compact._ _

__“Now, we’ll have to do it proper,” she said briskly. “There’ll be a ceremony of the pomp and circumstance sort, you know, for the public, but I’ll write to my parents, too, and we’ll have a real Salt Haven christening, right here at the palace, just the four of us.”_ _

__“Five,” said Benny._ _

__Charlotte smiled. “Five.”_ _


End file.
